Monday, July 01, 2013

Insomnia -- I'm Wide Awake

I should probably pick better search terms than "I'm wide awake" when trying to find cures for insomnia.  This song by Katy Perry, an artist I've never really listened to before, just gut shot me.

I wonder what happened to my inner child.  I remember so little of being an actual child, but I really, really wish ... well, I just wish.  I've put so many things in boxes and shut them away in my head that when a box falls off the shelf and spills open, it's like holy crap.... did that happen to me? How did I get through that?

The labyrinth in this video -- that's what it feels like to be me a lot.  Wandering and wandering and never having the faintest clue what the end will bring, or when the end will come.  Are there demons or saviors around the corners?   Will I make it to the top of that hill?  Every time I watch it, I see something new.  My English teacher would have had a fit with all the symbolism in this video.  There's something very much of the fairy tale about it, but turn the wrong corner, and that fairy tale can turn into a horror story ... and who knows when the next turn will show up.

It also goes to show you that no matter how cute the hair color or how cheerful you normally are, no one really knows what goes on inside, do they?  Not even me lately.

Still searching for my purpose.  One turn at a time.


(powered by pie)

Lori Anderson creates jewelry and bead kits as well as collaborative mixed media art with her son, Zack.  Visit her shops by clicking here.  She is also the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party®   and author of the book Bead Soup.


  1. This hit home for me, Lori. I remember next to nothing about my childhood but what I do remember is enough to keep the rest in the dark! Keep on following your path. It's the only thing you can do for now. xoxox

  2. Since my 3rd husband passed away I have suffered from insomnia. My 2nd husband passed away as well. Yes. That makes me a widow - twice. Insomnia is my friend. We stay up late together. I've learned to embrace it most days/nights. I take over the counter sleep meds but most nights they work for a short time. A couple of hours. I've learned to sleep when I can. Hopefully not at work or while torching glass! LOL I am sending postive thoughts your way. Thanks for the insightful blog!

  3. Sending you hugs and love. You will get through this because you are strong!

  4. Do you know, Lori, what this post says about you? it says that you do know, you are wide awake! You know who you are and most of the time where you are. you know you are loved and you know you are the friend, mentor, muse and inspiration to alot of people! the issues you face right now are not more than you!!! They are making you More!!! Stress pain challenge are all some of your very closest friends right now! they will fall away, they can't keep up!!! You are stronger and smarter and MORE than they are!!! Love Hugs Belief and Prayers!!!

  5. Please know that you are not alone in these feelings. We all have demons of one kind or another. You are such a strong person that I know you will find a way to triumph over your obstacles and become a better person. Thanx for sharing this with us.

  6. After weeks (years) of insomnia, I cleaned house. Well, the garage. That's where I had all my old family photos stashed, plus other mementos from past relationships. I went through them all, kept a few that gave me happy memories and had a big ole bonfire and burned the rest.

    Even burned many of my deceased husband's papers (which I've been avoiding for 10 years) and found someone who will use the rest.

    I can't express how FREE I feel now, knowing I'll never look at that stuff that caused me pain again. Life is too short to be reminded of the unhappy. It's not who I am. It was never who I was.
    Best of all, I'm sleeping now. And dreaming of things - magical things - that have been absent for years.

    Have a bonfire, Lori.

  7. The video scares me a bit. I never wanted to be THAT awake. My heart has been trampled so many times. I don't know how to make everything stop hurting. If I could just sleep, and sleep, and sleep.

    1. Anonymous12:22 AM

      Never lose faith.

  8. Oh, Lori... My husband occasionally suffers from insomnia--his mind going and going and going and not letting him get rest--and it is so hard to watch. Inner labyrinths can be such terrifying places, especially if they are deep and secret... Sending love and hugs and prayers your way!

    And I know there isn't much that I can say, but please know that you are not alone... let us know if there is any way that we can help.

  9. I can so relate to this song and video! Truely love it!

  10. Sending you lots love and never give up you are a very talented woman I admire all the wonderful work you do.

  11. I think no matter how old you ate, you are always searching for your purpose, because it is always changing.


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