Friday, August 03, 2012

You Need Monkeys for That

It is 4:15 AM and I can't sleep.  I was so tired yesterday that I didn't get my promised giveaway blog posted, but I'll do that today.  But this dream I had was so ..... quintessentially Lori and WHY I can't sleep that I had to write it down.  As I write it at 4:15 AM, it seems remarkably freaking funny.  Tomorrow when I wake up, I may just be horrified and embarrassed and delete it. 

Having back problems means I've been tossed some random narcotic and non-narcotic but equally weird drugs and I try to avoid taking them, because when I DO, I have dreams like this.

Let's call this one:

Setting:  I'm a CSI-type student.  I'm being led, along with other nebulous, faceless students though a lab to figure stuff out. (Note:  Not really faceless, but the kind of faceless that makes you know, hey, that's my best friend from 3rd grade next to me, but not really because I can't see their face).

We're being shown random stuff, and the only one I remember is the last one.  This gorgeous (GOR. GEOUS.) dark-haired man with a smirk is holding up a 1" diameter, 1' rod of polished mahogony-colored ...something.  (And yes, I know those measurements are exact, but we're talking MY dream here, and I'm Type A even in my dreams.)

"OK, students," he smolder-smirks.  "What is this?"

There's a dull hum as the other, faceless students ruminate.  I, however (who am thin, perky, and cute once more, because again.... MY DREAM) pipes up, "That's Flibberty Gibberty jasper that's only mined illegally from the Flibberty Gibberty rain forest.  And you need monkeys for that.  To get it out of the Flibberty Gibberty rain forest.  Not ... to make the jasper."  

The gorgeous guy is stunned by my intelligence, and, apparently, my beauty, because he cocks a finger gun at me and does that "kck kck" sound people make when they cock finger guns and says, "I want to take you on a date".   (At this point, he suddenly sounds like Sean Connery.  He didn't before.  He does now.  I'm, however, not complaining but waiting for class to hurry up and get over because it's a DATE with GOR.GEOUS. Sean-Connery-talking smolder-dude.)

And then the dream gets weird.  What, you thought it was already weird?

Gorgeous Sean Connery But Not Really sits down and TAKES HIS LEG OFF.  Apparently, that's where the 1", 1' rod of Flibberty Gibberty  jasper GOES!  I am not in the least worried that he has one leg.  I AM worried that he's now muttering about how Paris Hilton is ruining the rain forest and this must. be. stopped. and he leaves.  But what about my date????  Gorgeous Man, come back!

And then, for no good reason, the dream ends with the theme song to "National Lampoon's Vacation" running over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.  Which is what woke me up.

"Holiday ROOOaaaoooadaaooad, Holiday ROOOOaaaooooooad doo di dit dit, doo dit dit."

And now it's running through your mind, too.  You're welcome.

Possible reasons why I had this dream:

1)  I've been stressing over just the right beads for a project.

2) Those horrible "Fifty Shades" books have permanently embedded "smolder" and "smirk" into my vocabulary. 

3) My guilty pleasure of watching The Real Housewives of New York has a character with a prosthetic leg.  But it's not made of Flibberty Gibberty mahogany jasper.  Or monkeys.  It IS, however, very cool.

4) Zack and I have been singing "Another Postcard" by Barenaked Ladies with thoughts of the school talent show over and over and over and over again.  (Which is about chimpanzees, if you're already scared for life with the ear worm of Holiday Roooaaaoooad.)

Lyrics:  Click here  (worth a read!)

 It's 4:45 AM now and I can't be bothered to edit this, but I assure you, I have the WEIRDEST dreams and I hope this made you laugh and not worry about my mental health.

ANNNNND... good night.


Lori Anderson creates jewelry and bead kits as well as collaborative mixed media art with her son, Zack.  Visit her shops by clicking here.  She is also the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party®   and author of the book Bead Soup.

Join her at the Facebook group Bead Soup Cafe for bead chat, swaps, challenges, and lots of eye candy!


  1. Anonymous4:01 AM

    I've just read this on a break at work. When it got to the bit about the Fliberty Giberty rainforest I was already giggling. Thanks for cheering up my morning!


  2. Anonymous4:37 AM

    Too funny Lori!!!

  3. bwah ha ha ha ha!! that is so bizarre, i love it. I have some wacky dreams too buy can never remember them!
    Thanks for the laugh this morning! TGIF!

  4. Oh my Lori I needed that this morning! I have a smile on my face :)
    At least I am not the only one who has some weird dreams - but at least you can write yours down. Sometimes it is great how our subconscious works and then you are thinking, "Really, where did that come from?"
    I hope you get some sleep without the weird dreams!!!!
    Take care!!!!

  5. LOL hun, I have dreams that weird WITHOUT medications or even alcohol to blame them on ;) If you only have them due to stress and meds mixing, you're in good shape lol

    I have one that returns every so many years about my trying to find my way through a house that starts off familiar then changes into endless hallways with doors in weird places... and then I'm on 'Labyrinth' type stairs being chased by a goat... >.< lol and that's a fairly 'normal' one ;)

  6. Too funny...set my mood for a great day at work, thanks! FYI I too am a back and neck sufferer but I use a magnetic back wrap and then place a back brace over it. I strap it on for weeks at a time and then use it as needed. It increases the blood circulation in the area that is inflamed. Some people complain about nasuea at first, but it has been a life saver for me. You can't use it if you have metal in you back, though! Just throwing it out there, since I have been there, done that, and will continue to the rest of my life! When I medicate myself, I also get those really weird dreams...but I am usually the one flying and saving the world in my you feel better!

  7. LMAO - OK, that's an epic dream:) Thanks for sharing a smile this morning!

  8. Thanks for the laugh!! That is so weird...I have incredibly strange dreams a lot, too, and they're not drug induced. Maybe they'd be normal then...?

    I think Flibberty Gibberty is more likely to sear into my subconscious than smolder and smirk (avoiding those 50 shades of something or other adamantly).

  9. Oh, I snorted! I even read it to the boys! That is soooo how my dreams run, and, like Skye, I don't have meds to blame them on!!! Thanks so much for posting it!!!
    (BTW, now I have to let the kids watch National Lampoons Vacation:)

  10. Been there, done that with the whole back thing! :) I should be happy that there is no one else in the house because I am roaring with laughter!!!!

    Happy Friday Lori!!!!!

  11. That sounds just like one of my regular dreams I have with out any aid from drugs. I wonder what that says about me... ;D

  12. Yeah, so now I'm cleaning up coffee from my keyboard, as a result of laughter, Lori...thanks! ;) (read with *tons* of sarcasm and laughter, please!)

    Let's just not talk about those 50 Shades books. Tried reading, and couldn't get past the writing. Ah well! And wait, you don't use smolder and smirk on a daily basis? Huh.

    Thanks so much for the laughter - it was awesome :)

  13. Wow, you and my sis have the funniest dreams! I do know what you mean about the 'faceless' thing,...and you know exactly who it is next to you in the dream, but they either have no face, you can't see it or it doesn't really look like them,..but it's them. I wish I could remember my dreams,..they just go 'poof' into thin air the minute I wake up,...

  14. LMAO, that was hi-larious! I'm a weird dreamer in general. I really wish they'd invent some way to record dreams!

  15. Your dream was a hell of a lot better than mine. I had the reoccurring dream that Mark left me for his ex girlfriend. Who is gorgeous! But was a real bad alcoholic. Mark doesn't drink anymore. And I was pregnant.. :) Yours was so much better.. I need to read the 50 Shades... But we do not have a local bookstore, and Walmart does not dell it.. haha.. Have a wonderful morning.. I'll chat with you later..

  16. I want Flibberty Gibberty Mahogany Jasper to play with. AND monkeys! Cute, li'l bitty, finger sized monkeys.
    Other than that, I, too, dream weird. My latest (tho' not weirdest) was that I was leading our ladies choir practise before church and, right after, died. But everyone could see my spirit/ghost(?) so, in spite of being dead, I had to still get up and lead the ladies choir for church. And they WOULDN'T sing out!

  17. Oooo Lori,

    As a complete gem geek .... oops, is 'rock star' more the politically correct term now? yes, I think so -- As a rock star, I LOVE you and your post and your dream!


    I see you in your dream, smart and impressive, "That's Flibberty Gibberty jasper that's only mined illegally from the Flibberty Gibberty rain forest. And you need monkeys for that." .... LOL, LOL, LOL ...


    Lori, you made me so HAPPY! :) So nice to laugh, so so very very nice to laugh ... add the leg ... it just gets better and better!

    I told your dream to my spouse and my daughter and they are laughing and chuckling too. Said if they feel sad today, they'll think of fliberty gibberty jasper. Thanks for sharing and the smiles. You're not only a hoot, you're a rock star with that impressive body of Flibberty Gibberty jasper knowledge .... Gracias! LOL ....

    Big hugs,

  18. That is too funny. Amazing you remembered all of it. Hope they can help get your "back" on track and hurt free.

  19. You are so cool.
    I love your dream!!!

  20. That's actually more normal than some of my dreams and I haven't taken any drugs. BUT, Sean Connery has never appeared in where can I get your kind of drugs?

  21. Oh. my. God. That was, pardon my French, the funniest shit I've read in weeks. Thank you for sharing!

    Would this be a good place to talk about the dream I had once that was in the form of an American Express credit card commercial that featured Jerry Seinfeld being chased down and torn apart by a pack of zombies? Yeah. Get that image outta your head, if you can! ;-)

  22. And here I thought my dreams of that cute little pig from the commercial screaming "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" was off. I would much rather vacation in your dreams for a day. LOL Sean hiding Jasper in his fake leg.. Maybe Lori you are the next Bond Girl =) Thanks for the laugh.

  23. Ok, thanks! I am NOT the only one have such weird dreams! :-))

  24. #$%^&... and i thought i was crazy.

  25. Maybe our moon is causing sleepless nights and strange dreams. My daughter called me, she didn't go to sleep till after 4 in the morning and neither did her husband and son. Arney and I did the same a few nights ago.
    I am always having crazy dreams and I really wish that I didn't remember then. I too have a bad back and the meds do tend to scrabble the brain now and then. I only take them when it is impossible to live with the pain.
    Sleep well, hugs Mary

  26. Oh girlfriend, that's a very cool dream! I think you need some chimpanzees for your next necklace for sure...check. I bet you can find some. It reminds me of those plastic hula girls I got for my daughter's sweet 16 that clipped on the side of your glass. We hooked them everywhere in the yard--it was a pool party. We are still finding them everywhere, and she's now 21. LOL At the very least I think it was Mother Earth telling you to check out the Kazuri beads. LOL

  27. I just know I'm going to have a weird dream tonight, but am not going to be able to turn it into a New York Best Seller like you just did! LOL. You're FUN Lori.

  28. I love the way you write and the fact that I laugh out loud several times while reading your posts. Unfortunately I have had back problems for the past 15 yrs. so I know where you are coming from! I have had vivid, colorful dreams as long as I can remember and I love my dreams, they are weird and funny. Of course Mr Gorgeous loved you and you were hot skinny and so freakin smart...

  29. This definitely had me chuckling. And, I didn't even have to watch the videos (mostly because I don't have sound on this dang computer, but also because I know both of those songs quite well.) BNL is my FAVORITE band and Another Postcard is on my short list of favorites of their songs. Great pick!

  30. LOL! What a dream. I suffer from weird dreams too lately. The mix of drugs for my thyroid and hay fever seems to drigger them. Unfortunately my dreams are more about Chevy Chase like men instead of Sean Connery:-)

  31. oh yeah, the weird dreams. In my pre-cpap days I had doozies that I remember (lack of oxygen and walking up every 15 minutes will do that)

    One of these dreams involved getting married, and goblins throwing bags of blue berry muffin mix like people throw rice after the wedding. Yes, bags of betty crocker blue berry muffin mix. They took out the groom with a good aims. I'll leave it at that.
    Now that I have a cpap, I'm sure I still have zany dreams but I don't wake up to remember them.


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