A while ago, Zack and I got into a conversation about woodpeckers. He brought it up because he thought they were rather fascinating birds. I asked him WHY they were fascinating. Here's his story that was published in his school newspaper; it's a little shorter than the original version due to newspaper space. Enjoy!!!!
Compared to human heavy metal, squirrel heavy metal is like cutting down the squirrel's tree while they're screaming at each other and throwing acorns around at each other. This says two things about the woodpeckers' personality; a) they have horrible taste in music and b) they are not the sharpest beak in the forest.
|"Hey. I'm with the band, dude."|
|"When is the gig? I'm ready to ROCK!"|
When a woodpecker pecks, it's usually out of view. This is because they're a bit afraid of people and they hang out where the squirrels are -- in the trees. Squirrel bands are in trees because they are conscious about the feelings of humans. The might be out of fear, though -- most people only hear a few pecks at a certain moments, but around squirrels, woodpeckers peck on one tree for hours at a time. This is because heavy metal songs composed by squirrels are VERY long, but no human has ever heard an entire one. The record for the longest time listening to a heavy metal song made and performed by squirrels was 30 minutes. The person only lasted that long because his eardrums eventually burst and his brain melted.
|"I CAN'T TAKE IT! I'M GOING TO CUT DOWN THAT TREE IN THE MORNING! I CAN'T.....plop"|
For some reason, the squirrels aren't affected by their music, but they ARE affected by the constant head-banging of the woodpecker. When a woodpecker pecks, to us it sounds like, well, a beak on wood. To squirrels, it's like someone banging on a wall right next to you at twenty beats a second.
Quite a dilemma.
But let's not focus on that. Let's focus on the beauty of the Dryocopus pileatus.