a) I was at wit's end,
b) I was very depressed,
c) I got chastised epically by a few for writing what was called
a Boo-Hoo Blog, told that I thrived on drama and attention, etc, etc, etc.
I was unbelievably hurt, embarrassed, angry, back to hurt. My reaction was to delete everything I wrote on Facebook (although I still have a Facebook account so I can communicate via Messenger with people and see what folks are up to) and I declared a sabbatical on both Facebook and my blog. I don't regret deleting my Facebook posts. But my blog -- I refused to touch it.
Today I got a lovely email from a woman who made me think about my decision. She felt that leaving that negativity and despair up for anyone to read at any time in my life when some folks decided to call me out may not be the most healing thing for me. That doesn't mean I'm not paying attention or absorbing your words and advice (unless you're nasty and profane about it.)
And she is quite right.
While I stand by everything I said and felt, it doesn't need to define my life. It definitely defined my week. But not my life.
I'm still not sure what I'll do with Facebook ... probably tread quite lightly and easily for a while. My blog, however, is my journey, and I will write what I feel. If I end up deleting something at some point, that's on me. All of us have said things or had things said about us that we don't want staring us in the face, right? That doesn't mean I'm dismissing your opinion...it just goes down better when written from a place of caring and concern and not disgust. Ya know?
To that end, I'm going to continue with my blog in some manner. Zack will be starting school soon and of course I want to take pictures and share him with you because he's one of the big reasons I'm here.
There are also lots of things I've always planned to talk about that have nothing to do with being sick. But readers have to understand -- being sick sucks and sometimes, I will write about it. I know in the past from some emails and comments I've received that my "over-sharing" has helped people. I've also gotten emails that said I should just kindly shush the heck up and get over myself.
I hope that you will stay with me. There is a lot in life that has nothing to do with Lyme or Babesia or liver disease. LOTS. It is a part of my life, and it DOES affect the things I'm able to do, but I will NOT let anyone make me feel like someone I'm not. I'm not looking for pats on the back, or attention, or anything like that. I'm just writing. Whatever happens when you read it just happens. You're either interested, or you're not. I'm going to stay authentic, and authentic sometimes is marvelous. Sometimes, it's the pits.
|Thinking on the rocks of Big Sur the day before leaving the country in 1989.|
I will always welcome private messages (or post a comment and say to not publish it but email you at xyz), and I always will welcome differing opinions. I've learned quite a lot in life by paying attention and listening to those who don't agree with me, and I would like to think I'm open-minded enough that, if you don't curse at me, I will listen, think about what you've said, and process it. I've changed my outlook this way at times, as I'm doing right now, writing a post when I had no intention of writing for quite a long time.
Writing is my "thing", my passion, even if I'm not always exceptional at it. Reading and writing are more vital to me than making jewelry, even. I'm not always going to be a marvelous writer, but I'm doing it for me, for posterity, for learning.
I hope to see you here again, because I care about you all.
Lori Anderson creates jewelry and bead kits as well as collaborative mixed media art with her son, Zack. Visit her shops by clicking on the right side bar of this blog (please and thank you!). She is also the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party® and author of the book "Bead Soup" via Kalmbach Publishing.