And now for some thinking.
This blog hop is the one thing I feel I've done well in my beading career -- not actually making jewelry. I mean, I make pretty jewelry and I'm very detail-oriented when it comes to making wire wraps, closing jump rings, and trimming wire ends ... but I don't think of myself as innovative. I'm totally fine with that, although I haven't always been. When I found myself constantly stressed over trying to come up with something NEW and IMPROVED (add sparkle and glitter to that statement) I realized -- "Lori, this sucks. You're not having fun anymore."
Yeah, that sucked. But *I* didn't suck. And I haven't made that connection until recently.
For the past couple of months, I've only made what I want to make when I truly felt like making it. I'm enjoying it more now that I've let go of the pressure. I don't feel the (yes, sadly) jealousy I used to feel when I'd see things others were creating and wonder why I couldn't THINK that way. But the reason I couldn't think that way is I wasn't them. I'm me. You're you. Everyone has a different "It" Factor. Some have found "It". Some haven't met "It" yet.
|Signs from the maze at Luray Caverns.|
|One of my jewelry experiments. |
Making jewelry will always be SOMETHING because I do love it. I have two or three shows a year where I enjoy exhibiting my designs, and I'm not ready to give those up. But I also know it's OK to step back and regroup when the passion has dimmed. That stepping back will give me a chance to focus on other things, and in doing so, RE-focus on jewelry. And when (if!) I get back to making it nearly every single day like I used to -- who knows what It Factor will show up? If nothing else, I'll have fresh eyes, and a fresh perspective.
I hate to fail. And for way too long, I've thought of my inability to be a truly innovative, recognized jewelry designer who played with the Big Girls was failure on my part. That's just crap, though. It's not failure. And if I still want to keep striving for that goal, ANY goal, really, and I still don't "make it", was the time wasted?
Believe me, it is VERY easy to write "I will not be hard on myself" and quite another kettle of pickles to heed those words every day. However, I am convinced that part of my physical healing process is to heal my sense of creative worth, and I've been hurting myself in that regard. When I sit down and concentrate and write down not only the things I've already done (no matter how small) but the things I want to do (not matter how big), I've got a much larger "Did it, done it, got the t-shirt" list than I thought.
THAT list is just as important as your to-do list.
Make today happy.