Thursday, October 25, 2012

One Step at a Time



So!  I have been sitting here in front of this screen for twenty minutes trying to write what is on my mind but I keep getting side-tracked.  I am pretty transparent here on my blog but if you could truly see what's going on in my head and my life lately, you'd probably offer me a stiff drink and a Xanax.


The craft show went wonderfully, which was important to me on various levels.  I also got to have dinner with friends Friday night -- also very important to me on various levels.  I managed to keep my energy going until I got home Sunday night and then I crashed ... but I decided it was OK to crash.


Things just never want to settle down, though.


Yesterday, Rick's dad had a massive heart attack.  As I write this, he's still in CCU but awake and responsive, but there's a long road ahead of him. 


Beads and just about everything else pale in comparison to what's been going on with the friends and family I love.  Honestly, right now I feel like packing up everything on my bead table and taking it to Goodwill.  Behind the scenes, I've been trying to repair a lot of things with myself, and I feel like for every step forward I take, I'm taking two backwards.  Not sure how much more I can manage.  I used to think I was so strong and lately all I want to do is hide under the covers.


Not entirely sure what I'm rambling about here other than to say this has been such a rough year, especially the past few months, and right now I'm handling all the insanity the only way I know how -- by writing about it.



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Lori Anderson creates jewelry and bead kits as well as collaborative mixed media art with her son, Zack.  Visit her shops by clicking here.  She is also the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party®   and author of the book Bead Soup.



80 comments:

  1. Oh Lori - I feel for you. Yes, sometimes life sure can be hard and seem so unfair - just try to remember all the wonderful things you have. I have been trying to do that lately - is it working? I'll get back to you on that.

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  2. It seems like everyone I know is going through something and I really dislike seeing my friends go through so much pain. Everyone deals with situations differently.. You found yours by writing.. Myself I use laughter to deal with things... I hope you find the sunshine through the clouds Lori..
    BTW.. IF you did take your beads to the Goodwill, which one would it be? lol jk jk But seriously, do what you need to do to get you through this. Hugs.

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  3. I don't really comment often. But couldn't just read and click away. Take care, just be with your family and friends and breathe in and out. Take it one minute at a time or one hour or maybe even a day at a time. I don't have beautiful quotes or great advice, I just know that during those times, I should just remember how to breathe and to Love the ones I am with. Sending you some sunshine from the Caribbean. Krys

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  4. "Taking all my bead stuff to Goodwill." Hope that thought passed.

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  5. So sorry for what is going on. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you Grace for the day. I'm glad you are giving yourself time & space to just breath.

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  6. Love you much. Here if you want/need anything-talk, scream, sit in silence, anything, everything. It can't rain all the time, right? Rick's dad is certainly in my thoughts and prayers as are you, Rick, and Zack.

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  7. Oh my....prayers coming your way. Keep the beads...spring doing something creative refreshes your soul.

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  8. Lady, I am sending you the most care possible ....I know all too well your position on many levels - including the desire to just say good-bye to all of your beads and sundries.

    Just like a poll or collected data, for every one person who is open about themselves, there are a significant number of people who sit behind the scenes saying "OMG - I feel JUST LIKE THAT!!"
    We understand that you really needed to just say this to *someone* - we not only relate, we *empathize.*
    So, in writing this, you have not only helped yourself, you have given countless others a voice that they may not have been as able to share - for whatever reason. Lord knows, those are as countless as the grains of sand on the beach.

    Thanks to you, dear lady. I sincerely hope that the challenges you face resolve themselves soon, and that you come through them surrounded by even more love than you knew you had already.
    The thoughts of many people are with you.

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  9. So sorry for ALL that is going on. My thoughts & prayers are with you. I wish you grace for the moment. I am so glad you are taking time to just breathe.

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  10. Rick's dad is most certainly in my thoughts and prayers as are you, Rick, and Zack. I'm here if you want/need to talk, scream, sit in silence, anything, everything. It can't rain all the time, right? Much love, Dear Friend

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  11. Sending love and good thoughts! You are a strong person! Because things have become overwhelming in your life right now, does not mean you are not strong! It means you are a person and you need to take care of yourself and listen to what your body is telling you. Hang in there, things will get better! <3

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  12. By talking about *it* you get *it* out there and deal with *it* ... let us send you love, white light, good thoughts ... you are not alone and you are loved.

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  13. Hoping you know just how much you have impacted so many of us. YOU are the reason why I could muster up the confidence to submit my designs to magazines. You encourage others, you inspire us all, you give of yourself, and you share your wisdom. Now it's our turn to give back...please accept a big hug and my words of appreciation.

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  14. Lori,

    I am so sorry you have had such a challenging year... Sending you lots of hugs, love and courage. You can face it all.

    Hold onto those beads, girlfriend... they give us creative expression/therapy/joy. Hide under the covers for a while... We'll be here when you peek your head out!

    May each day get better and brighter! :) Kris

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  15. Thinking of you and sending out prayers and hugs!!

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  16. While making jewelry might take a back seat to what's going on now, I think it could also help you get through these tough times. You don't have to go hell-bent with it, maybe just dabble so you have time to let your mind wander away from the not-so-good stuff that's happening.

    Hugs and prayers to you and your loved ones.

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  17. Hang in there, baby! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
    Hugs!

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  18. I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I'm praying for healing for him and for you.
    blessings,
    Valerie

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  19. Lori, Hope you feel better. I know what you mean as I read your post today. Feel better, my friend.

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  20. ((hugs))
    Take one day at a time - don't push yourself.

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  21. I am so sorry that your life's road is so rocky right now...I so wanted to meet up for dinner with everyone last Friday; but my Mom lives with me now and her schedule conflicted with mine. I am keeping everyone in your family-especially Rick's Dad-in my prayers.

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  22. Maybe it's just as simple as saying 'no' to more obligations and severing ties with the ones we have. Life doesn't have to be stressful.

    I feel ya on the taking the things to goodwill, though. Sometimes I feel as though I would never care if I ever say a bead again. Keep them though because when you're feeling inspired you'll be glad you didn't.

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  23. Lori thinking of you and praying that things get better. Let me know when you are up for a visit, sorry I missed you this past weekend. Hugs and pie!!

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  24. Hi Lori, I was worried about you when you didn't write for so long. It is tough to deal with so much, but I have confidence in you. Remember what doesn't break us makes us stronger. I'm glad that you share it all with us. I hope your life goes easier from now on.

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  25. Dear Lori, right about now you are probably feeling so overwhelmed that it is truly an effort to string words together... but being able to do so is going to be your salvation. If you are so inclined, do as the old saying: Let go and let God. Allow only what is helpful IN THE MOMENT. Let the rest retreat from your path. If you need those two backward steps, take them! Sometimes retreat is the best option. You must give your time only to those important people who need you in this moment. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts, as will your many friends.

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  26. Love and a big hug coming your way. It's a big one so brace yourself.

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  27. One step at a time is right. I've found that when I feel like I am drowning & like is spiraling out of control, it means I am trying too hard *to* maintain control of the things I can least control. Breathe. Allow yourself to rest. Focus on love. We all support you!

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  28. I'm sending ~positive health vibes~ to your FIL and your whole family. I wish you all the best.

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  29. Sending love and hugs. Wish I could send pie a la mode too.

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  30. Keep writing, Lori. Share that pain. Then, you also get to share the love. ((((( ))))).

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  31. Sending you big hugs and so much love, Lori.

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  32. So sorry you are going through some tough trials, Lori. It is difficult to see your loved ones go through trials as well. I will be praying for Rick's dad and for renewed strength on your part. Sometimes, I feel the same as you when we are hit with the realization that life is very precious and the other stuff in our life is just stuff. But, you ARE strong and you will get through this. You have many people that care about you that are praying for you and sending you good thoughts. Writing those thoughts down certainly helps, so keep writing them down! HUGS. XOXO

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  33. 1st things 1st! I am sending all the prayers and love and hugs I can to you right NOW!!!!
    Next, take a deep breath...,...,...I did tell you to let it out right??? I only know a little of what is going on with you, I get that it is major! I also know that God does not give us any single thing, no matter how big or tiny that can not be handled with his help! You are STRONG and He knows that! You are VERY SPECIAL, He knows that as well.He will give you the strength you need when you need if you ask Him to. He is pretty cool like that! Please remember you are very well loved and all of us will pray for you and with you and help any way we can!

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  34. I am so happy your show went well and had so much fun getting together for dinner with you and the girls! It was a lot of fun-I think we should all get together once a month for pie and good conversation!

    I am so sorry to hear you are blue this week. Pink really is your color Lori! Take some time to yourself; read a book, take a bubble bath, sip some wine and have a slice of pie! Sometimes we feel lost or uncertain about the direction we are heading, but in due time you will be back at your bead table (do not, I repeat DO Not give your beads away)! You are an artist and an inspiration to many, many others. Your creativity and writing makes the world a more beautiful place.

    Let me know if you need someone to talk to, I will happily meet up with you (I am in northern Virginia).

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  35. Sending much love your way. The only thing that you can do is take it one step as a time and don't take any major steps such as donating your jewelry stuff to good will as you might come to really regret it.

    Sending healing energy your way for both yourself and Rick's dad.

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  36. Thinking of you, my friend, and sending prayers your way.

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  37. Dear, dear Lori, please do not send your beads to Goodwill. Pack them up, if you must, and deal with the humans in your life right now. The beads will be waiting and when you are ready they will provide solace. Bead soup is good for the soul!

    Love and best wishes for your highest good and the highest good of all concerned.

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  38. Anonymous4:11 PM

    Love hugs and I wish pie could be the cure all.Youre in my prayers Lori and so is Rick and Zach and his dad and all your family and friends who have been having a hard time.*

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  39. I'm so sorry you are having a tough time. It happens to many of us at one time or another. Just know that you are important in our lives and you can lean on our cyber shoulders if you need. Saying prayers for Rick's dad.

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  40. While I can't say I completely know what you're going through right now Lori, I can honestly say I can understand and relate, at least with my health issues.

    When you think you're doing good and finally have some sort of 'normal' going, the proverbial rug gets yanked out and you have to start all over again from a whole different angle.

    One step forward and two steps back; It's frustrating to say the least!

    Lots of love and light being sent you and your family's way in this trying time!

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  41. Anonymous4:31 PM

    Sending my love to you!! I packed my beads up for a while because I'm expecting my first child and I just didn't have the energy to deal with orders and I definitely couldn't do any of the shows people wanted me to do. Since I had miscarried before and I couldn't lift all of the displays and tables and sit there while having to pee every 2 minutes But now that I took a break now I can feel my Jewelry making juices coming back. But we are moving in a few months so I might just hold off until afterwards :) praying everything works out for you!!! Sometimes taking a break helps rejuvenate our creativity and makes it less stressful

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  42. Thinking of you. You're a rockstar.

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  43. Sending you tranquility. Remember to breathe. xx

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  44. So sorry to hear about Rick's dad I hope he will soon be on the mend. Lots of love and good thoughts being sent your way, you will get through this!
    Jackie

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  45. Lori - don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever you are feeling right now is OK for what you are facing in your life. I will send positive thoughts out to the universe for you and your family.

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  46. Wondered where you were... so I have been praying. Hugs.

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  47. Hugs to you, don't pack in the beads just yet, things are bound to come around and the beads will be waiting for you when they do. Write on girlfriend, we are here to listen and support you as best we can :).

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  48. Go ahead and hide. It's ok. My favorite phrase right now is 'flecti non frangi'. Bent not broken. Big hugs to you and your family. <3

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  49. Lori,
    Hang in there...I can relate. We have had a bunch of weird, crazy, not good, etc. things going on in our family too. It really seems like a bad year or second half for a lot of people. Maybe that means next year is going to be better. As long as you keep looking in the mirror and try to stay positive you will keep going. I agree many times things like beads,etc. certainly pale compared to tragic life events. Friends of ours have a 12 year old child that was diagnosed with cancer and while he was undergoing chemo and hospital stays his Mother had to work. I can not imagine the pain and how horrible she felt not being able to be there with her hurting child. They are amazing people and their boy is now cancer free, praise God! The bead related things and your writing give so many people joy that I beleive it also serves a purpose. I know you love Rick and Zack but you must also love yourself. I only know your through these various social media sites but can tell and know in my heart you are a wonderful, giving, and loving person. You need to see and know that, please do not let other people or the outside world influence your thoughts about yourself. I do not know what your belifs are, but I believe in the power of prayer and will pray for you, your family, and most of all your Father in Law.
    Sonya

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  50. I encourage you to treat yourself as you do your loved ones. That is to say, with respect, kindness, and boundless love. You deserve it at least as much as they do! And if you're beat for awhile, that's okay! You're at the stage of life when lots of serious sh#t happens. So just breathe and know that you are loved.

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  51. Long-distance hugs of comfort to you and your family, and prayers of healing for your father in law.

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  52. You do whatever works for you. Crappy things always seem to happen around each other. Don't even think they stick to "in threes" anymore. You should be in for a better run soon.

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  53. Lori, I'm so sorry! Sending you hugs.don't give up the beading though. it might end up being

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  54. Lori,
    I am so sorry to hear that!
    I'm not sure giving up the beading would be great just because it might give you some solace and a life away from the stress right now.
    Sending hugs your way.

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  55. There's a reason I named my beady endeavors windbent and my tag line is "but still standing." These are the experiences that all human beings have in common and your feelings are completely normal right now. Use them to draw the people you love closer to you rather than isolating yourself. I will add my voice to the prayers and well wishes to you and your family. There's also a reason why you shouldn't make any major decisions while in situations like this, so don't do anything rash. I'd hug you if I could.

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  56. Breathe deep, experience what you are, and carry on as best you can. <3

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  57. I wish I could say just the right thing to make it all better... or at least send you pie. But, since I can't really do either of those things, please know that you and your family are definitely in my prayers!

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  58. Oh, sweet, Lori, where to begin? Maybe just give yourself a big ole break right now and if that means crawling into bed and pulling the covers over your head for a few hours, just do it. I am so sorry life has dumped big old thunder clouds and grey skies on you. But I'm here reaching out and hugging you.

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  59. Oh, Lori - I feel for you.
    Please find the strength to go on one more step, and while you're at it try to remember 'This too shall pass'. I'm sending prayers and well wished for you, your family and all your loved ones. A big, big hug too!

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  60. Hand your worries over to God.He does listen and he always answers. Maybe not in the way we want, but in the way that he has planned for your life. I wish for you and peaceful heart and a life full of love.

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  61. Hopefully putting it out there and getting all this blog love back will take a bit of the weight off...take deep breaths...s--t happens to the best of us and the ones we love but we are all stronger than we can believe at these moments...and taking some time under the covers is OK to do for as long as you need to...but tossing beads out to Goodwill..NSM.We are human and we love and we hurt and those of us with the largest capacities do so strongly so ...remember all we can count on is change...Hugs and healing thoughts to you.

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  62. Dear Lori, I don't usually comment...but your words struck my heart. I'm praying that you feel God's grace and peace. Breathe, and focus on what you must do for yourself and for your family...and know that there are many of us surrounding you and supporting you with our hearts and prayers.

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  63. Sweet Lori, not much I can do, but I'm sending a big hug all the way from Europe. I know how you feel and the one thing you have to repeat to yourself is "I can take everything life throws at me and hold my head up to face it". You are a strong woman, we believe in you!

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  64. Please feel the love and prayers heading your way from Indiana. I'm so sorry your life has been upside down lately. You make me smile everyday, so I hope I can do the same for you. Hugs, Kisses and Prayers!

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  65. Anonymous7:59 AM

    Your story is resonating with me on so many levels....I hope Rick's dad makes a speedy recovery. He is quite fortunate. My sister-n-law, who was 51, had one last year and did not make it. It hit me hard, and made me re-evaluate things in life.......Life is truly precious, if you need to put things in a holding pattern, do so. They will be there when you return. Wishing you a more uplifting week, month and year ahead.

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  66. Oh Lori, I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. I think it's impossible to feel any creative energy when there are tough emotional and physical things going on. It doesn't mean your creativity has left you, it's just taking a break so you can take a break. It sounds like you need all of your energy right now to just keep putting one foot in front of the other so you can be there for yourself and your family. When it comes to any big decisions, (like giving all of your beads away!) just ask yourself, "Do I really have to decide on that today?" ( I got through a very rough spell in my marriage by asking myself if I really needed to decide to get divorced 'today.' It was a relief not to have to decide on anything, and eventually things changed for the better.)

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  67. Lori:
    I empathize with you. Sometimes it feels like everything bad happens at once. My response is to want to crawl into bed for a year, but that is never a real option. Don't give your beads to goodwill... if you need to put them away for awhile, that is ok. I had to do that about 7 years ago and I just dug them back out in February.
    My only words of wisdom is never forget that you can lean on other people to help keep you upright.
    Whether it's your blog followers, like me, or your friends and family. Let someone help prop you up when you can't take one more step. There are many people willing, I would bet.
    Much love and strong thoughts to you. It'll get better. It always does, I promise!

    Melinda

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  68. Dear Lori, my heart aches for your concerns. Sending love and warm thoughts your way.... XOXO Jennifer

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  69. So sorry to hear about your FIL. :(
    I hope he's even better and stronger since you wrote your post. *hugs*

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  70. This Too Shall Pass. (((hugs)))

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  71. Just keep writing, Lori! I think it's a healthy way to deal with life, and there's a bunch of us out here who love you for your transparency. And ditto what Robin and Char said. Hugs, pal! Praying for Rick and his family. (P.S. Love that photo - St. John's?)

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  72. Sometimes it seems like everything goes haywire at once or one thing after another and we get into a "crazy space" where we don't know what to deal with first of IF we can deal with it. This will be very hard on all of your family. It's good that you wrote it down and reached out for love and support. Do not forget to just BREATHE! Take time before you sleep and as soon as you wake up to just focus on that alone. Don't forget to take care of yourself. If you neglect yourself then there will be nowhere to draw the strength from. And last, I know you have some turquoise in all that bead stash. Turquoise helps you hold on to faith, and calms you down. Wear it, put beads in your pocket, in the car and in the bathroom (so you can take a relaxing bath). Sending good wishes on the winds.

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  73. It's been an awful year for me as well so on some level I know how you feel. Most days I just ramble on and don't even know how to approach the varios s**t that crashed into my life. It's like a giant mess of tangled loose ends... I'm slowly untangling them one by one and quite frankly without the support of loved ones, I don't know what I'd do.
    Sending you love and warm hugs!

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  74. You have a friend in me. I will always be there for you to pick you up if you fall and give you wings when you're ready to fly.
    xo

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  75. Baby steps Lori. I know at times it seems like you're all alone & fighting an uphill battle, but I'm here for you if ever you need a shoulder to lean on.

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  76. The important thing, Lori, is the moving forward. If you keep moving forward, even if you slide back, you'll keep advancing!

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  77. Sending you a big hug, Lori!

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  78. ditto, pal. you are not alone. sending love and good vibes to you.

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  79. There's not much I can say or do to help, but please know that you are in my thoughts and I am sending you big virtual bear hugs. Lots of them!

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