Every now and then I get my nails done at a salon. It's a wonderful treat, but I've been cutting back tremendously on things like that so decided I would do them myself. Here is how to paint your nails.
- Choose your polish carefully. It is wonderful if it happens to match the rug/floor/clothing you are near. If you have to ask why, then you're a professional nail technician and don't need to read any further.
- Start with the toes. I love bright pink (surprise, surprise, surprise).
- As you're painting with one hand, fend off long haired cat #1 with the other hand. He insists on rubbing up against you. Pet cat.
- Start on the second coat. Realize the petting has caused long cat hair to shed. I should have read "Petting Cats for Dummies". Get up to get the nail polish remover so you don't have fuzzy toes.
- On the way to the bedroom, realize you haven't had breakfast. Start a pan of water boiling for oatmeal.
- Long haired cat #2 appears. This could get complicated.
- Remove all nail polish and start over, flapping your free hand and shouting "NO KITTY!" when they come near for petting and shedding.
- Look at your nails and say a Very Bad Word of your choice. Decide a quick vacuum of the room and shutting the cats up for a bit might help.
- Pull out the vacuum cleaner. The cord falls squarely on your big toe, which happened to be the only toe that didn't have cat fur damage. Say another Very Bad Word.
- Begin to vacuum. As you enter the kitchen, realize you forgot the pot of boiling water. Turn off the stove. Say a quick "thank you prayer" that you didn't burn the house down.
- As you're vacuuming, move that one inch too far and yank the cord out of the wall. This brings the kidlet into the room, wondering what that Word you just said means. Tell the kidlet to go pet the cats.
- Look for a plug that isn't covered by heavy furniture. Finally, after climbing under the desk to plug the vacuum cleaner back in, turn on the switch, only to immediately suck up a feather cat toy. The vacuum cleaner does not like this.
- Pull the cat toy out of the vacuum cleaner. Put everything away, INCLUDING the nail polish.
- Pick up the phone. Call and make a pedicure appointment and make sure they serve champagne while they're at it.
Book Reviews: Summer Reading List, Part One
Lori Anderson creates jewelry and bead kits as well as collaborative mixed media art with her son, Zack. Visit her shops by clicking here. She is also the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party tm and author of the book Bead Soup.
Join her at the Facebook group Bead Soup Cafe for bead chat, swaps, challenges, and lots of eye candy!