Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Painting Your Nails for Dummies (it includes cats and a vacuum cleaner)




Every now and then I get my nails done at a salon.  It's a wonderful treat, but I've been cutting back tremendously on things like that so decided I would do them myself.  Here is how to paint your nails.


  1. Choose your polish carefully.  It is wonderful if it happens to match the rug/floor/clothing you are near.  If you have to ask why, then you're a professional nail technician and don't need to read any further.

  2. Start with the toes.  I love bright pink (surprise, surprise, surprise).

  3. As you're painting with one hand,  fend off  long haired cat #1 with the other hand.  He insists on rubbing up against you.  Pet cat.

  4. Start on the second coat.  Realize the petting has caused long cat hair to shed.  I should have read "Petting Cats for Dummies".  Get up to get the nail polish remover so you don't have fuzzy toes.

  5. On the way to the bedroom, realize you haven't had breakfast.  Start a pan of water boiling for oatmeal.

  6. Long haired cat #2 appears.  This could get complicated.



  7. Remove all nail polish and start over, flapping your free hand and shouting "NO KITTY!" when they come near for petting and shedding.

  8. Look at your nails and say a Very Bad Word of your choice.  Decide a quick vacuum of the room and shutting the cats up for a bit might help.

  9. Pull out the vacuum cleaner.  The cord falls squarely on your big toe, which happened to be the only toe that didn't have cat fur damage.  Say another Very Bad Word.

  10. Begin to vacuum.  As you enter the kitchen, realize you forgot the pot of boiling water.  Turn off the stove.  Say a quick "thank you prayer" that you didn't burn the house down.


  11. As you're vacuuming, move that one inch too far and yank the cord out of the wall.  This brings the kidlet into the room, wondering what that Word you just said means.  Tell the kidlet to go pet the cats.

  12. Look for a plug that isn't covered by heavy furniture.  Finally, after climbing under the desk to plug the vacuum cleaner back in, turn on the switch, only to immediately suck up a feather cat toy.  The vacuum cleaner does not like this.

  13. Pull the cat toy out of the vacuum cleaner.  Put everything away, INCLUDING the nail polish.

  14. Pick up the phone.  Call and make a pedicure appointment and make sure they serve champagne while they're at it.




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Lori Anderson creates jewelry and bead kits as well as collaborative mixed media art with her son, Zack.  Visit her shops by clicking here.  She is also the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party tm  and author of the book Bead Soup.


Join her at the Facebook group Bead Soup Cafe for bead chat, swaps, challenges, and lots of eye candy!

41 comments:

  1. Hehehehhe! Love your post, and the kitties are beautiful. I swear the long haired ones are the naughtiest.

    I usually don't paint my nails. Between wirework, not waiting long enough for it to dry, and fluffy animals, there's not much point!

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  2. Shes back. The laugh was the best medicine. Love and hugs Tanya

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  3. Shes back. The laugh was the best medicine. Love and hugs Tanya

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  4. HAHAHAHAHAAAASNORKSNERKLAUGHHAHAHA!
    Oh, man. Want me to pull out the matching "been there" t-shirt to yours? (snork!)

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  5. LOL ... fun, thank you for the laughter. I needed this today :) lol...

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  6. Bahahahaha....thank you. I needed a laugh this morning. My stress level is through the roof, but you have me giggling (though it's quite possibly it's early onset hysteria).

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  7. OMG, I'm still laughing! That's why I never painted my toe nails. Maybe I should try again, as I have no cats around any longer. But there still is that parrot......:D Thanks for the good laugh, Lori!

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  8. ROFLMAO! You are one tough woman, Lori. Even with the migraines, the kidlet, the cats, the vacuum, and the gone horribly wrong mani/pedi- you can still laugh and write one hell of a blog.
    A toast to you, oh pink one.
    Peaceful beading,
    Sheryl
    Cool Moon Creations

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  9. Oh dear, I had to laugh at the vision in my head. I hope you got the champagne because you certainly deserve it!

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  10. What a hoot! That rock kept picking up steam as it rolled downhill. My favorite is hot pink, too.

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  11. I recently got a pair of nice black dressy pants and I have to put them on at the last minute to avoid the fur.

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  12. That's why I do all my mani/pedis outdoors in the summer. On the deck. Door to the house CLOSED. Lean back and relax. :)

    You just have to make sure you have all your supplies with you though. I have a mesh bag that I put all my nail stuff in for deck manis so I don't forget anything.

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  13. I must have been extremely lucky because my last two cats hated the nail polish odor so much they would run when I opened a bottle! :)

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  14. I absoutly enjoyed this.. Your pictures are just wonderful. Would you believe that I have never had my nails done in a salon before? lol. I love your kitties!! Have a wonderful day!!

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  15. Haha the cats are super cute! Haha aww poor thing, you pulled through though haha.

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  16. Love it, although mine's usually the long haired dog that insists on sitting right next to me and thinking because I'm bending over, it must be to pet/play with her. :) LOL

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  17. You are just too funny! Great story...thanks for brightening my day. I am looking at my raggy nails though. lol.

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  18. Ha ha!! You have a great gift for story telling!

    And, I like your conclusion. My motto: always delegate to a professional that which makes you say too many Very Bad Words :-)

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  19. AND THIS is exactly why I get my manicures and pedicures professionally done every 2 weeks like clock work!

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  20. I don't do nailpolish but I cook! It's amazing that cat hair can get into a sealed can!

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  21. Love this post!! It is so true that animals create a challenge when doing many things especially anything that is wet that has to dry.

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  22. LOL Lori! I have three cats of my own. They do seem to know just exactly when to require petting and it's never when *you* want to do it.

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  23. HA! Sounds like quite the most stressful and eventful nail painting attempt I've ever heard of!

    I think that last step was a pretty smart one-Sometimes you just don't mess around. Lol

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  24. Hilarious Lori, I feel your pain. As I have 4 very hairy Pomeranians.

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  25. I have just started doing my nails again - not that I get them done in a salon, but I work in a hardware and tile shop so they get fairly damaged - but when you have a 7 year old girl, there is a massive cling on next to you while you are trying to do them.

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  26. Hahahahaha!!! That is almost exactly how I do my nails, too. Just substitute one large slobbery and shedding English Mastiff/Great Pyrenees for the kitties and add a few more bad words (I like to string them like beads!). :D lol -- at least we can laugh at ourselves. Thanks for sharing the laughter!!

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  27. I Lost my comment somewhere in mobile-comment-land. But I plan on attempting this pedicure thing this evening, minus the kitties but plus one large slobbery mastiff/Pyrenees. Wish me luck! :)

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  28. The rhythm of this sounds like my everyday life, but no cats and very little polish. I think you can fill-in-the-blanks with other activities, but it's still the way my days go! Loved reading this, Lori! :-)

    P.S. It sounds so much funnier to read than to live! ha!

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  29. LMAO! Thanks Lori : ) xoxoxo

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  30. Love your post, I needed the laugh this morning! Have a great day!

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  31. hahaha! I love pedicures with no distractions except a handsome (gay...which makes this ok, right?) man rubbing my feet and calves :-)

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  32. LOL! As a professional nail technician in a former life (whose nails are never done) this was hilarious! This is why, when I want my nails to look nice, I head to the salon - only it's a massively shedding, needy black lab/golden retriever mix.

    Should we ever meet at a retreat or bead show some day Lori, I'll make sure to bring supplies - I've been told I give an awesome foot and leg massage!

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  33. Those d*** cats. :)

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  34. Everything in this house involves a kitty but rarely involves a vacuum, even though I splurged on a Dyson. Love that pic of your chubby kitties!

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  35. Thanx for the laugh. It's great that you can share stuff with us that doesn't go well too. You make all of us feel better.

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  36. Ha Ha! That sounds like my house. I don't think I have ever gone anywhere without my collection of cat hair. :) I'm definitely a "love me, love my cat" girl.

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  37. loved this! you really do have the gift of writing along with everything else

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  38. hilarious, I needed a good laugh, thanks!

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  39. Love it!
    This is precisely why my nails are still unpainted this summer! Gotta love the cats though!

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