Sunday, May 20, 2012

What Not to Say to the Overweight Person

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*** (Warning.   This is long, and could be polarizing, and may be a little TMI.  But I do hope you'll read.) ***


Yesterday, I went to the International Gem and Jewelry Show.  I haven't been in almost a year, and while I'm heading to the Bead and Button Show in Milwaukee in a couple of weeks, there are some vendors I frequent who don't go there and I had to stock up on a few things.  Some things I purchased were a slew of beauties for the upcoming Bead Soup Kit shop.


I also got to say hello to a Facebook acquaintance while buying pearls.  I found more of the amazing turquoise rondelles Cindy Wimmer had gifted me for my birthday.  Basically, I was quite enjoying wandering the aisles looking at this and that.




I used to exhibit at Intergem, but the smallest booth space is $1500, and that's a lot of stress to put yourself under.  I'd met some people in the past years when I DID sell there, and I happened upon one woman I hadn't seen in a few years. 


I walked up to her booth with an exuberant smile, said hello, and asked if she remembered me.  She said she did but she didn't know from where.  I told her we used to exhibit more or less across from each other several years ago.  (Keep in mind -- I don't know her last name, and we don't email or Facebook.)


"Oh yes!  I think of you often!"


And then....


"When are you due?"


Gob.  Smacked.


People.  I absolutely know I am overweight.  However.  In case you didn't think about it before, you never, EVER ask a person of ANY size when they're freaking due.


Let's set the scene, shall we?  I had dressed in this shirt from JJill.com.


Obviously, I am not this thin.  The shirt is a little flowy, which I like, because I don't particularly enjoy wearing a regular shirt that shows off my rolls.  But it's not a pregnancy shirt.  I also had on makeup (which I never wear), a KILLER necklace by Stephanie Sersich that should have kept everyone's eyes on IT.  I had on Danskos that matched that shirt PERFECTLY.  And I had on a smile, the best accessory you can have.


Basically, I left the house feeling pretty darned good about my attire.


As many who read my blog know, I don't have much of a filter when I write, but I DO have one when I speak  (for the most part) especially when I'm shocked by stupidity.  I said gently, "No, I'm not pregnant.  I've just gained some weight."


Did she apologize?  Did she stop there?  Oh no, ladies and gentlemen.  


She then says,  "Oh, well, frankly I didn't recognize you because you've gotten so heavy.  Isn't it awful having to cart around that much extra weight?"


Oh honey, no you didn't.  Really?????  This woman obviously does NOT have a filter.  Or manners.


I wished her a good show and went on my way.  In fact, I was done shopping, so I left for the two-hour drive home, and had a good long think.


First, let's get one thing straight.  While it was humiliating, I was not sad, depressed, miserable, and did not feel sorry for myself.  That is not what this post is supposed to evoke, and if you comment, I don't need to be told I look good, or I don't look that fat, or anything like that, because I have come to terms with who I am, I KNOW I am way too heavy, and I am doing what I can to make changes.  BUT, if for whatever reason things DON'T change, that doesn't for a *minute* mean my INSIDES aren't the same.


This is a photo of me, Diane Cook, and Cindy Wimmer last year.  It's immediately obvious I am not anywhere close to thin, and I am 5'2" tall, to make the weight even more obvious.  The photo in my profile picture to the above right is the result of no less than 91 photos taken by a professional.  Ninety-one.  Angles are everything.  And I suspect she used PhotoShop.  But it doesn't change my weight.



Over the past 20+ years I've weighed 89 at my lightest (hello, anorexia) and 201 at my heaviest (not long ago).  I have lost 10 pounds in the past month and a half, and while I don't see it in the mirror, I can wear a couple of pairs of pants I couldn't wear before.  It's a step in the right direction, and while I do make choices to eat the wrong things at time (Mother's Day = pie) that is MY decision, and I know what I have to give up later in the week to compensate.


I also haven't mentioned this in the past months, but I have been weaning myself off almost every single medication various doctors have thrown at me because, among other much more dangerous side effects, they are known for causing and keeping weight gain.  THIS IS NOT TO SAY they are the only reason I'm Zaftig.  


I take full responsibility for not working out as much as I should, and for loving food, and that is a part of my weight issue just like the drugs and genetics are.  However, in the past month and a half I've made drastic changes in diet and exercise and the detoxification of my body.   I also was just told I'm pre-menopausal.   This last drug is giving me the WORST withdrawal symptoms, and will take about two months to get rid of, but even when it's gone, that doesn't mean the weight will drop off.  I realize that.  I'm OK with that.  You, my readers, don't need a daily blow-by-blow of that - booooring and sometimes TMI is just way too much TMI.

 
Me and Sally Russick last year at ArtBliss.


Here's my point, and the gem I hope people take home with them.


You have no idea what a person's story is behind their weight, whether they're heavy OR whether they're very thin.


You don't know if it's glandular.


You don't know if it's from medication.


You don't know if it's from genetics.


You don't know if they were in an accident or have ailments that leave them bed-bound so they have no choice BUT to lead a sedentary life.



And more important, you don't know how healthy they are.  I know heavier people who have run marathons.  This article gives some thoughtful evidence that you can be fit and fat (good lord how I hate both the word "fat" and "skinny".)  I am no where NEAR pre-diabetic, have low blood pressure (almost too low at times, but not as I write this, ha!), and my high cholesterol is hereditary.  It was high when I was anorexic.  It was high when I was a competitive athlete.  


Ditto for people who are very thin.  I've had the misfortune of walking behind people at various points in my life and heard people not-so-quietly whisper, "YUCK!  She's anorexic!" or worse yet, "OH, she HAS to be a meth addict to be that thin.  Gross."


It's politeness alone that didn't cause me to smack them upside the head.


NO ONE knows a person's story unless they choose to tell it to you.  Some people are highly prejudiced to overweight people.  I've unfortunately known and severed ties with some of these sorts of people.  Six years ago a "friend" would text "MOOOOO!" at me -- yes, I'm a cow, is that all you've got?  Bring it on, I've heard it all, and it doesn't change my personality.


I would like to think I'm loyal and caring and empathetic.  I know I'm impatient.  But I also know I'm giving.  There is a lot to know inside this body.


Weight should not enter into how a person feels about themselves (as easy as it is to do -- and I have been guilty of that).  Your character matters.  Not every thin person stays thin.  Not every overweight person stays that way, either.  If you are rude enough to make an insensitive comment about someone's weight -- well.  What does that say about you?  What happens if, heaven forbid, weight becomes an issue for YOU?  


Think before you speak.
Make changes if they make sense to YOU.
Don't let anyone make you feel lesser.
Love who you are.



Photobucket

Lori Anderson creates jewelry for her web site, Lori Anderson Designs, and wrote the blog An Artist's Year Off.  She is the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party tm.   

Join me at the Facebook group Bead Soup Cafe for bead chat, swaps, challenges, and lots of eye candy!

147 comments:

  1. Yowsa. Can't believe someone would say that! Talk about socially challenged. Nicely put Lori. Nicely written.

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  4. Holy crap. A similar situation happened to my husband the other day, only he saw a woman he hadn't seen for ages, wasn't sure if she was pregnant (she was), but knew it was the polite thing not to ask "when are you due". There's been so many shows where this has been the situation, people know its social etiquette not to ask that question!

    And as for the retort she gave, that's just flipping rude. I hope she sold nothing at the show! Although that's mean at me.

    But ultimately, you are correct Lori. People shouldn't judge before they know the whole situation. It's also a shame that people choose to open their mouth too.

    Hope you're ok though!

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  5. I do believe that "weight" (over OR under) is almost the last bastion of those who discriminate. It's no longer "fashionable" or even acceptable to discriminate against those of another color, another sexual preference, or another religion. But IMO the "health freaks" have made it MORE than acceptable to discriminate against those who have weight issues of whichever kind. How incredibly gauche. How incredibly stupid. How incredibly crass. And I hope those of you who do, at some point in your lives have the opportunity to experience the hurt. Maybe then you'll learn.

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  6. OMG! That was waaaay beyond rude. I am 5'1" and weigh a whole lot more than you, have been fat all my life and I'm 53. I can't believe what comes out of some people's mouths. I've heard it all too.
    Years ago the lady I worked for got asked the when are you due question and she was horrified! She was near 60, totally grey haired and was a size 16-18. She was a grandmother for heaven's sake. Why would anyone, and in her case a stranger, ask that question?
    An excellent post and I hope you are reaching more than the choir with it.

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  7. I have typed and deleted and typed and deleted and really don't know how to get the words down that i want to say, this has touched me, so I will stick with
    Thank You.

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  8. Okay, I am sitting alone at my table and then I read:
    She then says, "Oh, well, frankly I didn't recognize you because you've gotten so heavy. Isn't it awful having to cart around that much extra weight?"

    I GASPED, loudly, very loudly. I am just shocked that someone can be that rude.

    How can someone with that little sense be in retail? (Okay and excuse me for being catty, or even out in public?)

    Oh my gosh... I am still shocked, and apparently next to speechless.

    You handled it perfectly. Tempting as it may have been to blow a raspberry at her and walk away you did the right thing. I am glad you made it home safely.

    By the way, I love J Jill, a smile is always welcome, and congratulations on your life changes.

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  9. Oh, hon! I'm sorry you had to deal with someone who obviously needs a window inserted in her stomach. People never think "how would I feel if it were said to me?" They wouldn't know good manners if it bit them in the butt! May flea-infested camels invade her bead booth!

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  10. My jaw hit the floor so hard and fast, it'll need to be in traction for at least 6 months. It seems to be epidemic now this complete lack of manners and body and age fascism that is exclusively directed at women. You took the high ground and are all the more classy for that.

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  11. I'll keep it simple: Bravo! :)

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  12. I have someone in my family who always comments on everyone's weight at family get togethers. I think there are people who just have no filters on what they say.........

    Ha. She once told my husband HE looked pregnant. HUH?

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  13. You know it happens, let's face it, it sucks! I have heard people say things like "You have such a pretty face" Are you kidding? If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all! <3
    I love you the way you are Lori, I could not care less what you look like. I know your heart and it is beautiful! :)

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  14. I currently weigh 215. I don't think I look it nor do my friends/family...my profile pic is not a professional, my mother in law took it with people in line wanting us to hurry so definitely a one shot deal....although admittedly it ended up flattering. Anyway, I'm fat too, I understand your pain, and I'm too trying to better my physical situation through dance central and a desire to prove to myself that I am worth being healthy. Anyway, in response to that last whore that had the gall to say such a thing, you proved through your reaction to her that your insides are more beautiful than hers could ever dream of being, and at the end of the day that is truly all you need to be beautiful in my eyes anyway. I'm telling you, I probably would have either been speechless or would have just knocked her out if it had been me! lol

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  15. Awesome post! This is something I try SO hard to teach my kids! I think this particular "lady" (ok that was completely said tongue-in-cheek) is just rude. It wouldn't have mattered your weight, etc...she would have found fault. Unfortunately, there are just too many of "her kind" out there these days! God bless my friend!

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  16. Oh I want to give this a HUGE G+ and a double facebook thumbs up!

    Well said and you speak for so many of us, on both ends of the scale.

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  17. Ugh, it's hard to believe. You handled it spectacularly though.

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  18. You know.. there are people out there that say things like this.. I have been in the company of people who have and I think about that moment.. the moment that they say something..whatever it is in relationship to someones physical appearance..that moment of shock.. and a grown up response is exactly what you did and exactly what I have done when someone has said something that insensitive, that cruel and that stupid, really.. and the reason usually why nothing stupid or insensitive is said back is because (IMO) to reduce the impact that statement made--for that moment, for it to properly process.. I think we hear so much about how we are above it all that things like that we should just brush off, turn, walk away.. but I always promised myself that if anyone ever said anything like that again, that I would bravely, without anger but with authority totally rip them a new one.. I will let you know how it goes -- there is always some place from where everyone's personality-problems begin.. I get that...but what you have described, regardless of whether she had enough hugs as a child was just total ignorant behavior and I hope karma serves her up something extra nasty (not so much for the first comment-even though its so freakin stupid too, but more so for the 2nd)

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  19. God Lord! I hope you didn't buy anything from this person who I think needs several lessons in Customer Service if she thinks she is a "people person"! The first thing you've got to learn when working with the public is to never ever EVER make assumptions about anything. I use to draw blood in the wee early morning when people never look their best & I would never judge them on anything because you can't tell anything just by appearances. My Mother was always extremely thin & well, I was always a very developed girl. Compared with my Mother, I always looked like a giant. But no one knew that my Mother was suffering from bad teeth. The poison was literally killing her & she wasn't able to eat much because of her teeth. She had them pulled out & though she never got too much bigger she is now healthier. So yes, I am a bit unnerved by this woman's callous comment. And I do indeed hope you bought NOTHING from her.

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  20. My Dear Lori~ I am SO sorry that some tactless block head had the gall to speak to you like that.
    I was at the Intergem show yesterday (between 10-12),
    I wish I had been standing there next to you.... I'm 6 foot 3... and I would have made sure that she APOLOGIZED!
    By the way being a 6'3 woman means I understand very well how thoughtless & tactless people can be.
    I hope that the love your admirers are sharing here restores you, and makes you remember that for every thoughtless loser there are 10 people who find you amazing and inspirational~

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  21. Hi Lori,
    I'm 5'8" and weigh 287lb and losing. Here's to knowing our self worth and not letting the small stuff get us down!
    Therese

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  22. Ditto. A very well written post, Lori. I, too, have been there. Thanks for sharing that. Enjoy the day.
    Erin

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  23. you can take comfort in the fact that when you lose the weight you want, you'll be thinner & she will still be a mealy mouthed bitch.

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  24. OMG that's the rudest thing! My jaw actually dropped when I read what her second comment was. I probably would have said something just as rude right back to her and then start balling. Give yourself a pat on the back for not letting her get to you.

    I'm sorry you had to take that.

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  25. Fantastic post Lori - well, definitely not a fantastic situation or person who prompted it, but a fantastic response. I really don't like how much of society seems to think that it's ok to be so judgmental, and how the media encourages this judging. I always try to remember that none of us ever knows everything that another person is going through, what they are having to cope with.

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  26. Lori you were way nicer than I would have been. I can excuse the when are you due comment. eh people don't think. But the second comment -- just no. I would have said something along the lines of I didn't recognize her because she'd obviously picked up a serious case of the stupid and socially inept. I may have had a few other choice things to say.

    For the record I'm heavier than you and older than you and I completely agree with your post. I'm just floored at how rude people are these days.

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  27. You are a better woman than I. I might have gone off on her.

    I love this post for the simple reason that it's true. Weight is no indication of what's on the inside. : )

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  28. Speechless. Except to say good for you for being confident in who you are and not letting the haters get to you (too much) and for being so open with what is an issue for most women I know.

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  29. Oh Lori, How I do love you!! When you write how you feel you totally inspire me. Thank you.

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  30. Lori, your post comes at the perfect time for me. I have been feeling anxiety about attending the Bead & Button Show. I know there will be gossip that I'm overweight. It's who I am at this point in my life. (I too use camera angles to my advantage. It's an artist's perogative, right?! hee hee) And yes, I wish to be thinner...I'm working on it. But I won't be thin in the next two weeks! LOL Can't wait to see you my friend! Hugs! Your good manners and courage inspires and strenghthens me!

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  31. Oh. My. God! It's not rude, it's ignorant to make that type of a comment. You're a better person than I (or is it me) to have held your tongue. So many people forget that it's what's on the inside that counts, not what's on the outside.

    I think back to just a couple of months before our beautiful TJ died. He and his therapist had asked me to attend. He was talking about the most difficult/upsetting thing that had ever been said to him - and he had been picked on, bullied and harassed almost all of his life. He recounted running into his grandfather at a local shopping center. T was skateboarding and had just had his hair dyed blue. His grandfather called him a freak and told him he would disown him if he didn't change his hair color back to it's natural color. That happened to him when he was 15, he died when he was 19. For four years he carried that hurt around with him.

    Ignorance causes so much pain and hurt.....

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  32. Yay! I love the fact that you didn't let that individual's stupidity ruin your day. It's great that you are losing weight for your health but you are a wonderful person no matter what the scale reads.

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  33. I'm completely speechless with my mouth open! I can't even begin to understand what would make a person say such a thing. I doubt that such a social moron would feel the least bit of remorse for those words. You took the high road!! Thank you for sharing such a personal experience.

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  34. Some people......

    Ah well, you know, Karma will be just as big as a b&^%$ that she is and it will come around to teach her a lesson :)

    Lots of love to you Lori

    ~Pamela

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  35. wow O.O. Un-be-lievable. I've known some rude people in my days, but most of their rudeness was on purpose. This woman sounds like she's just naturally rude and totally unaware of it. I pray she has no children that she has passed that 'endearing' trait into >.<

    You my dear, are far more polite than I shall ever be. I might have let the first comment pass, but the second? No...I'd have smiled and made some equally rude comment in reply. But that's me :)My gram would've told her off at the first comment and smacked the crap out of her at the second :D hehehe

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  36. DITTO, DITTO, DITTO.
    You may not remember me but I've been a follower of your blog, I've bought jewelry from you and we're 'friends' on GoodReads.
    I've always loved who you are and have always felt very special when you've emailed me or messaged me for whatever reason.
    We don't know each other IRL, but it's all good.

    I've always loved who you are and will continue to do so just like I hope you will continue to value me:), Jan

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  37. I don't think I could have been so gracious. The sad thing about people who torment others with their harassing comments is that they teach their kids the same sick behavior and we see more and more bullying. Terrible!

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  38. I want to give you a big kiss, but I can't, so I give you a big cyber hug!!!

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  39. The woman obviously failed the "learn to be classy" and "manners" classes. Don't know how she is surviving in the retail/business world. Shame on her.
    Lori - keep holding your head up!

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  40. Hi Lori~
    Thanks for visting my blog~new follower. Love your "babbles"~ and what a great post, what a treat!!! new follower!!!

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  41. Amen, my friend. A-to-the-men.

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  42. Anonymous5:44 PM

    She was a block head. She could stand to lose 15 lbs. herself. She should be put on a block and beheaded. She doesn't need it. She isn't using it anyway.
    As far as you and how you are, if I ever needed a heart transplant and I could just get one by ordering it, I would get one just like yours.
    I don't own a weight scale. I don't see in numbers. I see in letters. I C U R A 'Perfect' U. Me, Mary from the branchonthebeadtree and I do not wish to remain anonymous.

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  43. Well said Lori, and I am suprised that someone in business could be so rude to you!

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  44. Anonymous5:52 PM

    Lori....love ya cousin....been there...got the Tee Shirt!!! but I dont wear it!!!! I am me, and if I am extra fluffy, that is only my business...we are a proud bunch and dont take others nonsense to heart!!!

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  45. Holy crapola, that woman was rude! And shameless. I wish I knew what else to say, but I'm kind of in a state of shock.

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  46. Thanks for writing this Lori. It needs to be said.

    I wish that thinking before you speak wasn't even an issue...I wish that people just saw others how they would want to be seen...not judged at all and as human beings, not an appearance.

    I've heard some pretty ignorant things that people say in other situations and it just blows my mind that not only they think it but that they let it out of their mouth in public.

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  47. Thanks for writing this Lori. It needs to be said.

    I wish that thinking before you speak wasn't even an issue...I wish that people just saw others how they would want to be seen...not judged at all and as human beings, not an appearance.

    I've heard some pretty ignorant things that people say in other situations and it just blows my mind that not only they think it but that they let it out of their mouth in public.

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  48. It is rude to comment on someone's weight. Period.

    It doesn't even matter why someone is the weight she is. It doesn't matter what the story is: thin from illness, heavy from prescription drugs, thin from anorexia, heavy from heredity. You don't comment on someone's weight.

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  49. Oh Whoa! that's shocking..yea maybe the blurting out "when are you due" is stupid but could have been apoligized for and moved past it..but to keep digging in..that woman is socially backward. I am heavy(fat)but haven't had to address that kind of comment(yet), however in rushing to the Post office before closing,straight from the studio, looking like i've rolled in a mud hole..an older man,commented..you'd be pretty if you fixed yourself up.."O-H-No!"
    What is wrong with people?

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  50. It's amazing how some people can be so insensitive and rude! Thank you for this post Lori as it's such a good reminder about not to judge anyone until you have the opportunity to walk a mile in their shoes. Sometimes people come into our lives a reminder how not to be. You are beautiful just the way you are! Thanks for inspiring us all Lori! Hugs

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  51. Great post! You go girl. I'm really tired of people without common sense and manners and it seems to be getting worse all the time. ARGGGHHH!

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  52. Well done for handling it so well! It is just unbelievable the way people can be thoughtless, mean and just plain... wrong. What a jerk! Please don't let this change your view about yourself or go on a crazy diet - but you do sound very aware of everything now and since you even had an eating disorder, hopefully you know when you have to shut out the voices of others. Hugs!!

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  53. P.S.
    You can lose weight but she can't gain IQ.

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  54. Wowza, I have hear it all too.
    My sister's are tiny a size 2 and a size 4 in fact. At my heaviest I was a 20.
    When I was pregnant a nail client came in and said yup must be a girl they make you fat. Then after I had her another nail client said oh good you are loosing weight your ass was huge.
    Why do people feel it is okay to say things about weight? If I had a club foot or had my nose bit off by a dog would they say something? Probably not, but weight, oh weight is fair game.
    We have a client that is very large, so big she can barely get in the shampoo chair. Guess what? She is on morphine for extreme pain, pain that will never go away, pain that is going to kill her. She's happy, she's sweet, she's the most giving person I have ever met.
    Weight doesn't matter and I am still in shock that you didn't punch that lady in the nose.
    Anyway, I wanted to share this story...
    I was talking to a client (6ft tall and a size 6) while doing her nails about my jewelry business. I am taking Megan Auman's seminar and am working on my "why" you know why I make jewelry. I was telling her that as a big girl I feel that the perfect piece of unique stand out jewelry can make you feel fantastic and that my tag line should be "jewelry as unique as you are" and this stunningly beautiful client said to me I never see your weight, you have a 1,000 watt smile that overpowers any amount of weight you carry. You are also so confident and sure of yourself I can see you are very comfortable with who you are even with extra weight.
    I almost hugged her. I never thought of myself as confident because I have always felt insecure next to my sisters but that day I realized is that when I talk about my passions (my family, my jewelry and doing nails) I am confident, beautiful and have a huge smile.
    I love this post Lori because it might make some second guess saying something mean.
    <3 you and your openness
    Shannon C

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  55. You are such a wonderful writer, Lori. To take something so hurtful and write about it so honestly and clearly and in a way that touches your audience so strongly ... not everyone has that gift.

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  56. You have an excellent talent for writing! And I love the way your mind thinks. You are intelligent, compassionate, and KNOW that there are actually IMPORTANT things going on in the world besides what someone looks like. You say so much of what I wish I could say, but I know that "they" won't get it.... they are just too stupid.
    You know what is said... The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter. She has FAR worse issues than you do.

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  57. Thanks for sharing this. We really don't know what others are going through. It is sad when someone has to say mean things to make themselves feel better. You are a beautiful person inside and out! And you make the rest of us feel beautiful too!

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  58. Congratulations on the 10 lbs, thats 9 more than I lost in the last month and a half. Thank you for sharing, great post. The woman you write about... her Mom did not teach her right.

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  59. Well, at least you don't have people calling you sir. I am an African American female who happens to wear a short, natural hair style. I am also 5"2" and overweight. However, with 4 boys in the house (that includes DH), I don't have time to hot curl and primp. I have even been called sir while wearing a dress. But I will prevail and be happy the way I am, just like you.
    You are such a great writer too!

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  60. It is simply amazing that some people have absolutly no manners....that is when you want to say, " I may be fat and that may stay or change but you will always be ugly" and she will, she is obviously ugly on the inside to say things like that to anyone. I have always been told that I never see an ugly person and I wish more people were like that. Good for you to speak your mind. I agree with you whole heartedly!! You go GIRL!
    Sonya

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  61. Oh geez! How very horrid!

    I hate it when people judge others based on their appearance...my family does that...they only know my high school friends as that fat girl, that black girl, that short girl. It was only THIS year, (and I just turned 37), that I decided to tell my sister off for doing that. My friend has a NAME, her weight , color, height, does NOT define her. You either agree to not do this again, or I am not talking to you again, she was taken aback and agreed.

    Ufff!!! People!

    I like the pink hair!

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  62. Bravo! Excellent post, and Michelle Mach said it is best-you are gifted to be able to put your thoughts into words so eloquently!

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  63. What a thoughtful post Lori!That woman was just plain rude. The word %itch comes to mind. You said it all>
    Love you!
    Cilla

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  64. I am about the same size as you and I am damn cute!

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  65. Lori, well said. I am totally with you. Kepi

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  66. I am so sick of rude people! I'm at the point where I make sure and point it out. They need to know what they are doing is not acceptable.

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  67. I have been asked the same thing and I've never been pregnant.

    What a stupid, stupid person she was. Good for you for not letting her stupidity take you off course. You know some might say that you met the devil at that point and he was doing his best to make you fail.

    Well, I guess we all know where he can go.

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  68. Love you, Lori! I still remember the day (summer 1986), my first time on my own in NYC, taking some time to shop at Saks over lunch break. I was wearing a reat Esprit outfit with a duster over leggings. The saleslady asked me when I was expecting. I said, "Expecting what?" She backpedaled pretty fast!

    I NEVER ask about a pending baby unless that woman is going into labor right in front of me!

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  69. Obviously I've been on FB way too much, cause I kept wanting to click 'Like' on everyone's comments!
    I really don't know how I would have reacted in that situation, I hope it would have been as well as you. But sitting here reading it after the fact, I can't help but wonder if she has hangups about her own weight/looks etc, to keep making comments about someone else.
    Thank you so much for writing this post Lori. Michelle is right, you are a gifted writer. And an awesome friend to all of us for putting it out there and keeping it real. Love you!

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  70. BRAVO Lori! Very well said! It's amazing how many rude & thoughtless people there are in this world!

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  71. Sweetheart. Thanks for reminding me that my weight is not my worth. I also sufer from headache fibromyalgia and a very low metabolism. So i have put on 50 lbs in the last year. I hate being over weight and feel self concious because of it. My best friend is really heavy but you know what i never even noticed until i gave her a ride and she could barely fit. I think being heavier made me realize that fat or skinny we are not as different as we think on the inside. It goes the same for other handicapes that slow people down my mom had a stroke at 50 and lost the feeling on her right side. I so love my overweight body and am thankful for it when i help my mom walk around an arena and up stairs taking 4 x longer than everyone else. I am thankful for two hands and i cherish the good days and remember wghat is most inportant on the baddays. People come first and their heart is what makes them beautiful. You are a beautiful person and thanks for being brave enough to remind people that outer looks are only skin deep you health and looks can change in a day but you heart is what decides your quality of life.

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  72. Oh my, Lori...can't believe that woman said that to you and didn't apologize, absolutely no manners at all! I probably would have cried and grabbed some donuts on the way home! I have a hard time with people like that. Good for you! I am so happy for you for losing 10 lbs. That is awesome! I am still hanging at 15 lbs. loss. Slowly but surely we will both get there, I have faith that we will! Great post as usual...you always have the just the right words to say, love that about you!

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  73. I would just love to give you a great big hug right now because this post is just the absolute 110% truth in eloquent writing!

    This is why I hate judgement; judging others and being judged. No one is blameless when it comes to judgement, but the important thing is I try to catch myself and REMIND myself that I don't know.

    I don't know a person's story, like you said.

    All that matters is YOU'RE the beautiful person, inside and out, and no ones opinion should take away from your confidence, so kudos for you for taking that away from this situation.

    At least you're doing the best to help yourself get to a healthy place in your life; I bet that lady didn't ask about THAT!

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  74. Anonymous12:24 AM

    I was told that I was retarded by an Aunt when I was a Child and that stayed with me for many years... I was told I was stupid by my father many times.... When we celebrated my parents 50th Anniversary my Dads brother yelled my name across the room full of my parent’s family and friends saying you are as fat as fat could be... I was a shy person and I was very embarrassed..... I was probably 140lbs. at that time in my life, 5'4" had 2 C section and 3 major surgeries within 5 years, 4 of the surgeries was in 11/2 years. Not that that is an excuse but it contributed to where I was.
    I have lost weight and gained it back so many times, Lost a son when he was 20 in a work related accident, battled with a loving but verbal abusive father to my Mother and 3 children.
    I have battled many years of insecurities and depression…
    My Father died of Alzheimer’s a couple years ago and with my older sister and younger brother we decided before he passed we could not change him but we could forgive him and let the past go. That was such a healing process for us….
    My place of comfort was food and I am way over weight.
    With my Loving and supportive husband of 35 years I am changing my life to accept me for who I am… I have had so many rude remarks about weight said, not so much towards me but I am sure that is what they were getting at.
    Lori you handled this in a beautiful adult way by not saying anything back to her, although I love some of the remarks some people have posted….and I applaud you for posting this and reminding me that there is people out there that have their own insecurities for which they take it out on other people in a rude and inconsiderate way. (Which I consider bullies)
    What time I have spent on your blog and reading many of your posts…. YOU are a wonderful caring person which you or any one should have been talked to that way… I sending you a big hug for being such a brave person to be able to say what is on your mind in such a graceful way… bravo!!!!

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  75. I'm stunned with jaw still open!
    I don't think I can add any more to the previous comments; they echo my thoughts completely. Lori, you are so brave to share your heartfelt words with the universe - thank you.

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  76. Lori,
    You should never worry about what a person may say to your face as it is usually the person that has too many issues they are unable to deal with.

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  77. Lori, I think we all can relate to that, but not all of us could put it in the right words - so, thank you for doing so!

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  78. Forgiveness is empowerment.

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  79. I remember one time specifically when I was seeing a doctor for a hand issue. He didn't really need to reference my weight, as there were no pounds mentioned in reference to a prescription dosage. Years later I still remember walking by him in the middle of the hallway, and him talking into a tape player giving his notes "obese something-year-old female..." I thought it was so insensitive on many levels. How dare he talk about me in the middle of the hallway in those terms for one? I was hurt, and still remember it to this day.

    The problem is that although many of us thing it was awful that she did this to Laurie, who we know as kind and wonderful, so many people do this to the unknown and semi-faceless people. Laurie's point is EVERYONE has a story. Great point, I might add.

    Recently there was a news story about some companies trying to discriminate against hiring obese people at some companies near where I live. They cited health costs as their reason against hiring such people.

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  80. OMG....and you are being too, too kind to say she was rude. Thanks for sharing---something like this would have probably made me crumble...you showed immense control and kindness when you didn't strike back....I'm not so sure I would have had any control over my own mouth. You are an amazing woman. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently! xo amanda

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  81. Ironically, this past week I taught a Manners camp to kids 8-16! I was amazed at many of the comments. I have to say, THANK YOU for being so open with this subject. I have dealt with weight issues all my life and am now at my highest weight - even more than 9 months pregnant - so I understand. Again, than you!

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  82. Oh, Helllllz no! Having worked in retail management, I've heard nearly every stupid thing that can come out of a person's mouth, my own and others mouths in a moment of stupidity. Weight, age, color, education, assumptions of wealth or lack of, stuff related to child birth, physical attributes...on and on.

    :::::Still SMH::::::::

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  83. Once again your beautiful spirit shines through, Lori.

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  84. WHAT THE HECK!?!?! I'm amazed by how RUDE people can be and have no boundaries to what they say!!

    I'm sorry someone said those hurtful words to you. Your post is so well written and SO MANY OF US can relate to how you feel. Just a few months ago I was at the foot & ankle doctor for a ruptured ligament (ouchie!). We were talking about me going on an anti-inflamatory drug program...I was hesitating (because I'm a little weird about taking any medication), I'm not sure what he thought I was hesitant about, but he glanced at my chart and said "no offense, but at your weight you can handle more than the recommended daily does of ibuprofin" Well, needless to say, I never saw this fellow again. It did (fortunately or unfortunately) inspire me to join weight watchers. I did lose 10 pounds in the last 2 months. But somewhere along the way, I have realized I need to be gentler with my attitude towards myself and my weight and realize my weight does not define who I am. Your post about this has also helped in my attitude adjustment! Thanks for baring all Lori!

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  85. Thank you for sharing this Lori. What this woman said to you was beyond rude … it was heartless. My guess is she’s one of those people who can only feel good about themselves at the expense of others … such a sad existence. On a lighter note, when I reconnect with someone from my thinner past and see their eyes glaze over as they attempt to find a familiar feature buried under my layers of fat, I usually end up saying, “I know I look I different … I’m twice the woman I used to be!” =)

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  86. Lori~
    I was once asked the same question at the grocery store in the check out line. I was mortified.

    The thing that seems Most often missed is that weight as a Focus in our society is a distraction from the work of the Soul. In places where the Aspects and the Embodiment of the Soul is important and highly respected, there is more a 'letting go' of the physical aspects of this life. Be these homes, or yards or bodies. The focus on the appearance of the body is Designed and Promoted to Separate us from each other in judgement. Women united would be an Overwhelming Power.
    It is the Embodiment of Higher Energy and More of your Soul, the Creative Feminine Force that defines Who you are, inside and out. I am sure that it is present in All that you do Creatively. It is that quality that earns my Respect.
    For me,what I chose to do was to ask quietly for forgiveness for myself in the way that I have participated in the gossip or judgement of others. I may have hurt someone that badly once in my ignorance and confusion. I have lived long enough to have created major damage! Now I move forward, as you, in the Knowing that We are All One, and as my Soul Sister, I Love You and wish you Peace.

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  87. Thank you for writing this. I have had some awful things said to me, including "when are you due?" I was sooo skinny in high school, and now years of poor eating and a bad back that limits what I can do everyday, have taken their toll on my body (not to mention three babies....gained with each one, back got worse, couldn't lose the weight). Now I am trying, little changes, but its hard. It hurts when people are so insensitive, but I love how you don't let it get you down. Beautiful post Lori. As always, you inspire, and I love ya for that!

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  88. Wow...............
    I would take comfort in knowing that any weight we carry is far less, and not for a lifetime, unlike the person that has the burden of carrying that kind of blatant rudeness in their heart, the cluelessness in their brain, and the big mouth that spits it all out!

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  89. Guess what? The same thing happened to me once! I was in a fabric store and the lady helping me asked me the same thing. I said no, I'm not expecting... and then there was that awkward silence. I know how you feel.

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  90. Hugs Lori! Thank you for saying it out loud! I'm 5'10" but with my 270 also very overweight. I lost 20 already, but still have to loose a whole lot more. People don't see the struggle, why it got this far, was it medicine, food disorder or an illness... they just see fat and judge immediately. It's great you wrote this, I shared it and I love you for being you!
    xoxo Carolien

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  91. Lori, you should have asked her if her husband was D minus too. Maybe her mother and father were first cousins and her genes are all screwed up. There is no excuse for what she did. Just sit back and remember "What goes around comes around".
    You are a beautiful person and no one can take that away from you but there are a lot of us that wish we would have been there to show her a fist sandwich.

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  92. That woman is a total jerk!

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  93. One word for that woman at Intergem - jaw.drop.PING! I actually had a client ask if I was pregnant last year... in our very small office... in FRONT of my boss and 2 co-workers - he knows I am past having kids but clearly just couldn't help but point out that I had gained weight. I barked back - HELL NO, I'm done with that. Clearly, I don't have your restraint Miss Lori...

    I came across a quote last year that I've tried to keep in the forefront of my mind [doesn't always work, but I try] Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Nothing beats a Lori Anderson smile - it's why I check in with your blog each morning! ~~T

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  94. Me and my mom went through a similar thing last Wednesday. I took her to get her dress altered for the wedding. (Oh,and the dress we bought her was waaaay out of her comfort zone-one shoulder tight satin with beading on the hip) Now, my mom is post-menopausal and is struggling with the same issues on weight, but she loved this dress when we tried it on and she looked stunning in it. The seamstress didn't know exactly how to fix the dress, and went on to basically imply that it didn't look that good on her anyway and she didn't want to cut it apart so that my mom could "take it back". I could see my mom's face drop and I got so angry with the seamstress. I kept my cool though and we came to an agreement about the dress, but the damage had definitely been done. I've also struggled with weight issues my whole life, unfortunately I think it's part of who we as women are and it's a delicate balance we seek as we try the best we can to not let it affect our daily lives or the lives of those around us, for good or for bad. You are not your weight, Lori, and having only seen the tiny photo in the corner of your blog, my opinion about who you are is formed itself based on the kindness you've shown me personally and the kindness and patience that you've shown others.
    Thank you for sharing.

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  95. Speechless, cyber hugs.

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  96. Wow, I really really needed to read this right now. My sister-in-law has lost about 100 pounds over the last year or so. She is very very thin now and in fact I tell her she needs to eat a sandwich all the time! I really need to learn how to keep my mouth shut! Ha! Anyway since she has lost all this weight I feel like she has been having her "mid-life" crisis ever since. She wears very young (teenage) clothes and now has parties at her house every weekend. She is 32 and the mother of two that do live in the home with her. I can't lie and say that there may be a bit of jealousy on my end regarding how great she looks, other than the teen clothes that is. I am happy she got her confidence back I really am. However since she lost all the weight she had an affair and had to tell me about it! Keep in mind she is married to my brother! He does not know, I can't bring myself to tell him. I no longer talk to her for fear of me trying to shake some sense into her. I have lost all respect for her and our close friendship is no more :( I guess what I am trying to say in this wall of text is that being skinny will not fix your confidence. You CAN be confident in yourself regardless of your weight! Jamie had no self confidence in herself and with all the weight loss she is acting in negative ways to try to get some built back up from men instead of finding it in herself. Such a shame and I really miss my best friend!

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  97. "Think before you speak.
    Make changes if they make sense to YOU.
    Don't let anyone make you feel lesser.
    Love who you are."

    Amen X 4!!!

    and just for the record....you are waaaay nicer and more eloquent that i would have been (HAVE BEEN)in that situation!!

    zaftig. i love that word!!!

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  98. I love it Crafty Max, manners camp, lets all pass the hat and send this lady. This has been a great post about seeing below the surface, there is a reason for every behavior. Even this woman probably had poor role models on how to treat others. I have always found that 'bullies" encountered in life always have the least amount of confidence in themselves.

    I am overweight as well, and have been telling myself to lose weight for over a decade. For what every reason last year it was time and I lost 25 pounds with weight watchers. I know this amount of weight loss in a year would not be enough for most, but it has worked for me. I have given myself time to change habits (like my bagel a day), and the weight has stayed off.

    So be patient Lori look at postive trends with behavior, not numbers with your weight loss. Yes you can still have pie, the only rule is when you are eating it you must enjoy every bite, and never say in your head I should not be eating this.

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  99. I really wish I wasn't drinking my coffee when I read the beyond rude comment; my gasp resulted in a coffee shower for my keyboard! :) The title and build up of your post led me to believe that I was going to read a rude comment, but I was in no way expecting it to be that daft! Sometimes it amazes me how ridiculous, stupid and hurtful people can be. Makes me lose faith in humanity. But then I think of beautiful people like you and realize the world is a wonderful place! Good for you for not letting her ignorant comment ruin your day.

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  100. You. Are. Beautiful.

    Outside in.

    Inside out.

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  101. Lori, thanks for sharing this. As a woman that weighs over 300 pounds, I'm too familiar with comments like this. But in the past few years, I've decided to do more than walk away. Now I answer that rudeness with challenges of my own, asking when they'll graduate from manners school. Or whether it's okay if I judge them on something physical. Or even by looking them directly in the eye. People know when they are being rude and expect not to be challenged on it. I refuse to walk away and leave any of my power with someone who doesn't deserve it.

    My life as a fat woman is just as valuable and exciting as anyone elses. Teaching my Women's Studies students helps me remember this. We have long discussions about stereotypes and forms of oppression. I always use myself as an example when we talk about body image: how I'm always conscious of the space I take up in a room, where I can sit, will people accept me for who I am or will I be judged on appearance alone. If I'm not careful, these thoughts can narrow my life. I refuse to let that happen.

    Obviously, that woman is completely uncomfortable with herself.

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  102. What a classless individual and she's dealing with the public!! I admire your control not to say something back or slap her upside the head!! I thought you looked great - your pink hair is fabulous and your smile so beautiful and genuine, that was all I needed. Love the saying Weight doesn't define the person. Amen to that.

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  103. The brashness and rudeness of people continues to stun me. Sure, I've made my share of gaffes over the years, but never anything as bad as what you've chronicled here. Your post gives us all something to think about

    Vicki (5' even and about 30 lbs overweight)

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  104. While reading this post I thought of several things to comment on but you basically said it all - great post!!!

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  105. Lori ,
    Thats a horrabal thing to have said to you , The woman lacked the common sence , common politeness and well just apprently was not rased to respect others or to treat them the way she would want to be treated, or she was and some how while growing up relized she could be a B88ch and get away with it! ... You seem like such a sweet person , from your warm welcome on FB and such wonderfull things you've said already and i've only been joined to the fb group for a day , A DAY ...and you've been simply delightfull ... I belive we all must respect each other , regardless of what you think of someone else , wether YOU PERSONALY think there to skinny , to fat ,you dissagree with there life choices ,gay, straight, what ever.... any thoughts you have on the matter , your allowed to have your own personal thoughts , but common respect of OTHER people SHOULD keep your your BIG mouth shut .. keep your opinions about someone to yourself!!! I have delt with weight comments ,i'm 5'7 and i fluxuate between 125 to 150 lbs ... it's not something i Try to do, it's not something i work on because i'm happy with myself , I have a friend my highth and she's got 3 kids and is 3 yrs younger then me , she weighs less then i do now i'm about 140 ... and shes always complainging abut how she needs to loose 20 lbs , shes fat , she's a size 8 and how shes always been a 5 ... and i'm sorry ... but i'm a 8~10 depending on brand , and you know what .. it upsets me , it makes me feel bad about myself , Yes i Love myself , i love that i have curves , i love that i have a little jiggle .. and i've had many gentelmen , aprove of the fact that i've got a curvy body , but for afriend to know we are the same size , and say shes fat, that a size 8 is gross ... hurts , it just does , !!! maybe she dosent love her body like i love mine. but to know that she belives her size is not ok ... huts , i'm not sure if it hurts because of sisterhood and i belive that every woman should be happy with who they are , or if i'm hurt because i'm the same size and her saying shes fat , makes the small part of me that has insecurtys *wich eveyone has * come out just alittle bit ..... Well i ranted and 'm sorry , but weight issues tick me off , the judgments we put on someone else when we dont know them piss me off .... the way people talk to other people angers me , people talk as if they have no respect , no self respect , no love or careing , i long for days that we see on tv , like in the 50's where children respected any adult , said yes sir , no sir , thank you ma'm , men took of there hat when they entered a public place , they defended any woman being disrespected even if the woman was a stranger.... and i'm off on a ramble and i'm sorry but it all upsets me so much , i just dont understand why people have no common decencey anymore !!!!

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  106. Love this post! Two observations...

    First my co-worker would say the woman lacked home training...she should have pulled her foot out of her mouth and say no more.

    Second I think it is sad that weight is so acceptable to comment on. Whether someone is "too thin" or "too big" people feel comfortable to comment on it. We wouldn't comment on other physical issues so why these.

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  107. It's a crazy world, Lori, with lots of crazies in it. All I can say!

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  108. Lori, I am so proud to call you my friend! Good for you for battling the anorexia dragon. That's a huge accomplishment.

    I feel sorry for ignorant and hateful people. They're ugly clear to the core, and nothing but a complete attitude transplant will cure it.

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  109. Kathleen12:23 PM

    Lori, I've been following your blog for a while, and while I don't regularly comment, I always appreciate your candid writing style, your integrity, and willingness to honestly share your personal and professional struggles and triumphs.

    My blood pressure jumped when I read about the unbelievable interaction you had with the woman at the show. I've had similar experiences where I am simply rendered speechless by an insensitive comment. The question I have asked myself is why someone would go out of their way to be cruel for no reason at all. The only possible reason I can think of is that s/he is grasping for power in some way by attempting to make another person feel terrible. It's pathetic really and exposes the insecurity of that individual.

    So, I must say kudos to you for not allowing that individual to demean your own personal power and beauty. Skimming your blog comments also affirmed my hope that most people are considerate and caring. You've created a wonderful community around your blog. Best wishes!

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  110. Wow, that 'lady' must not like herself at all for her to treat someone like that! Obviously she has no class. Glad you rose above her ignorance.

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  111. Well said! I am also on the chunkier side. I cannot fathom how she thought continuing to disrespect you would end well.I do hope you have a wonderful afternoon. I love the photos, especially the one of you in bed. And the beads... love the beads..

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  112. OMG!!! some people just suck don't they, rude people are my biggest bug bare, there is just no need for it, ridiculous human being, Karma will get her. Much love Lori x

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  113. Totally speechless. It always amazes me when you come across someone who has no filter, no way to sense how the person you're talking to is responding to what you're saying. BUT, I have to say (sorry guys) most all I have met have been men who think women are over sensitive ... apparently something this lady does not suffer from! ... for her to rant on ... how in the world did you not snap at her!? WOW. Truly amazing.

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  114. Weight may come, and weight may go, but ignorance and insensitivity last forever.

    I'm so sorry you ran into someone who is obviously deeply unhappy i her own life, but I'm not at all surprised that you rose above it and found a way to empower yourself and others through the experience. Hugs to you!

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  115. this post touches too close to home! I respect and admire the way you handled it :-)

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  116. at 5'2" myself and about 100 lbs beyond you, I totally understand how cruel and unthinking people can be. I am currently fighting my employer about how their placement of the new trashcans in the bathroom actually cut into my thigh when I sit down.

    I have also had to write off supposed friends for this type of stupidity. I invited a male friend over to swim one summer, and before he arrived my roommate requested that I ask him to keep his shirt on, as his weight bothered her. She stopped being my roommate shortly there after.

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  117. Bravo Lori ! Well said !!!
    We are like beads, we come in all shapes ,sizes and colors.
    And all of us fit into the design of life someplace !
    btw,I LOVE your pink hair !
    It makes me happy !
    m.e. :)

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  118. So sad-- people put others down to build themselves up. Imagine the problems this woman must struggle with that would motivate her to intentionally say hurtful things. Your post was wonderful. Thanks for sharing your experience.

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  119. Helen Kemp6:58 PM

    I love this line from a country song:
    Don't worry your pretty little mind,
    People throw rocks at things that shine.

    How incredibly rude was this woman. Amazing. I think all comments pertaining to a person's body are rude. My daughter is very thin and people are always making rude comments to her. She is sixteen and it really hurts. Thanks for a great post reminding us that God made people in all different shapes and sizes.

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  120. With tears in my eyes all I can say is...Thank You!

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  121. Fantastic post. Who we are shines from the inside not the outside. As a woman who has gained 40lbs after quitting smoking 17 years ago, and struggles to keep weight in check, I so get how the body does what it does. I take care of myself and believe that I have worth and that people love me for who I am. Keep Shining your light because the darkness of those comments from that person indicates an unhappy soul needing to make others feel small to feel okay. You go girl! xox

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  122. I feel your pain, being overweight myself. And ain't it awful how people seem to think it is OK to make rude, insulting comments to you like your weight makes you less of a person? It is a form of prejudice that SHOULD not be allowed, no more than making comments about someones race.
    Even Family thinks it is OK. At my wedding rehearsal dinner my 105# mother said to my future MIL (205# at the time) - "Isn't it amazing how I could have such fat daughters?"

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  123. I had that exact thing happen to me, but it was a long time ago...back when I actually WAS thin (well, okay, I was a size 12, but that's MUCH thinner than I am now).

    I've always put it down to the fact that I was wearing a floaty, drop-waist dress (hey, they were in at the time) and the commenter was an older male. He was manning the sales counter at a Hallmark store (we're talking 1990 here and you can tell I remember EVERY detail).

    I didn't even have to say anything in response - I think the look on my face made him realize what a dolt he'd been because he turned pale as a ghost and then beet red. His wife (who was behind him at the counter) actually smacked him for being such an idiot.

    I went home and went on a crash diet that yes, caused me to lose 10 lbs...but then I gained back 25 and so I learned the hard lesson that yo-yo dieting does bad things to you.

    And now, I look back on the size I was back then with fondness and would give ANYTHING to be there again.

    KJ

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  124. Your post today made me cry. For more than one reason. But I am on my way out the door and will return in a bit to post again.

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  125. I love everything about you Lori Anderson.
    I am a sixty something grandmother who is fluffy (heavy). At Easter I had the courage to let my granddaughter dye my hair pink in the back thanks to you. It made me feel happy and special.
    Thanks for being you and helping others feel good about themselves.
    Julie from CA

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  126. I don't have anything new to add beyond what wasn't already said here but WOW! How incredibly rude she was. It's too bad you can't send her your blog post and all of these comments. Maybe then she would see herself as we see her--terribly cruel, insensitive, rude, mean, etc., etc. And as someone older than you and with so much weight to lose myself, I understand completely.

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  127. Did you know "zaftig" translates to "juicy"? You juicy thang you! Love every inch of your brilliant character!

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  128. A simple remembering of the Golden Rule would be good for everyone IMHO. I am working to drop the pounds I have put on over the past 2 years since having my gallbladder out, plus I too am premenopausal and it is not as easy as it once was. I am also doing it in solidarity with my son who is overweight as a result of becoming very sedentary due to a horrific broken arm which took him out of football and basketball as a teen. Best of luck to you in all your efforts, the meds, the health issues and your life changes.

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  129. Thank you for the post. It made me think of how powerful words can be. Perhaps that is why we are all made with one mouth and two ears. To listen more and talk less? Words can hurt and words can bless. I am reminded not to assume and see others using my own lens. Thank you again for sharing.

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  130. People really do need to be fitted for filters,..well, some people anyway. You showed grace, tolerence, tact and class - all things the person who spoke with you is clearing lacking. I'm sorry you had to be assaulted like that, but the post you shared and how you shared it will hopefully reach someone who's been one of those igiots saying ugly things and they will learn. Great post Lori!!

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  131. Sweet Lori...
    You know I'm one of your biggest fans. You speak in truths & through your truths you teach & inspire. All of us are in one way or another, the walking wounded...we all have our insecurities & sore spots. How sad that there are people out there that can only feel good about themselves by finding those spots & adding salt to others wounds. I can't help but think how wounded she must be to need to be so cruel. How was she spoken to by her Father or Mother? That kind of ugliness has to be learned. If only we could wear our life's story on our arm...maybe the world wouldn't find the need to judge. You handled this so graciously...I adore you!!!

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  132. I'm just amazed that there are still people in this world who don't know you should never ask that question.

    I mean, seriously?!?

    And I know you weren't fishing for it, but you are beautiful, inside and out.

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  133. There is just no accounting for some peoples ignorants. Loving
    Be blessed to be a blessing

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  134. Ew. Just... ew.

    That goes beyond manners. What a low class, rude, insensitive thing to say! I can't even articulate my frustration on your behalf right now.

    But I will say that your post was extremely eloquent. As someone who's battled weight issues, I totally get it. And I have to agree - you just don't ask someone that.

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  135. I just gotta say even if the person eats wrong, never moves off the couch etc etc ( aka can be considered "at fault" for being heavy) doesn't mean they are not worthy of respect too. I deserve the air I breathe, regardless how I look and how I got there. So it doesn't matter what the story is...

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  136. Speechless. Lori Dear you have once again shared so openly and I admire you all the more. Blessings...

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  137. wow. just wow. I appreciate your response in this post. I wish people didn't consider weight such a critical thing to talk about. I'm a bit overweight and working on it. It's fine, but I don't always appreciate my friends telling me how many calories are in everything and how much weight they are losing. Does it really need to be such a public event?

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  138. I love how we match so perfectly pink in that picture Lori =)) xo

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  139. Beautifully written Lori. I applaud you for your words AND for being so calm and polite in face of such rudeness. The most incorrect thing in this whole story was that woman. Not only does she lack a filter...she doesn't care that she doesn't have a filter. She just says what she thinks, which is rude and ignorant. You have to wonder just how many 'friends' she's got...if she speaks like this to virtual strangers, WHAT does she say to people she knows well????? The one who should have been humiliated was her!!!!! xoxo

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  140. You showed great restraint in not shoving her mouth full of beads when she kept going on and on. Some people. Ack. I DO want to thank you for this wonderful blog post. Your attitude is inspiring, and your situation mirrors mine - heredity, height,weight, CHOICES and people in our lives that love us for who we are - no matter what.
    Pretty things, indeed.
    Sheryl Stephens
    Cool Moon Creations

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  141. Reminded me of earlier this spring when my then kindergartner almost came to blows in the hallway with a classmate. My son said "look, there's my pretty mom," to which his classmate responded "Your mom isn't pretty, she's fat." The Kindergartner stopped mid-trek to the gym for P.E. insisting "My mom is beautiful! You better say she's beautiful 'cause she is."

    As thick-skinned and shockless as I tend to be (kindergarten teacher, so I've heard a LOT over the past sixteen years), his sweet response brought tears to my eyes.

    Bravo for how you handled it, and for sharing the story with so many of us who can relate.

    Michaele

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  142. Anonymous3:23 PM

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    ReplyDelete

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