This quotation was like an "a-ha!" moment.
So THAT'S what's been going wrong.
I've been burning the candle at both ends, which is not at all surprising to anyone who knows me. When I can stay out of bed, I'm busy busy busy. I've always liked to have things to do. I like to make lists and see things get checked off. I no longer question WHY I like this pace -- it's just an integral part of who I am. I don't know why. It just IS.
My eBook is thisclose to being done -- I just need to write the ending page and figure out how it delivers via email since it's almost 60 pages with lots of photos, and I'm afraid that I'm going to have to take all of the text and turn text into a photo because I'm not sure the fonts will translate. But either way, it's almost done. And I'm nervous about how it will be received. But.
Check that off the list.
Lately, though, I've felt like a big pile of Fail. I went out to the glass studio today and picked up enameling again after forever. I experimented with adding glass frit, but at the end of the day -- I have four beads that made it. And then head:slap. I dumped out enamels from bags into tins, and then, when faced with putting them back into their bags, realized how white, transparent, and this one pale pink look SO MUCH ALIKE. So. Next time I enamel, I'll be in for a color surprise.
Also, after over a year of not lampworking, I picked it back up again -- and what happened? Any skill I had is gone. And the practicing isn't working. I've signed up for a class at Bead and Button and if I don't get my stuff together, that class will be a waste of time.
I have a screaming headache. No really. I heard it scream "guess what you're in for today!".
Mail is piled on the table. Packages need to be opened. Emails need to be answered.
I have to make a Ben Franklin costume today. Just a random factoid.
I have to -- when did it become "HAVE" to, and not "WANT" to? I need, MUST, make that distinction between what is on my calendar and my plate and what is actually going to happen any time soon.
I have this overwhelming need, compulsion, neurosis, whatever you want to call it, to do as much as I can possibly do every single day because I know there will be days, at least once a week, when staying in bed is all I can manage that day. I never know when that will happen, so procrastination just doesn't fit into the equation.
This month has been a Comedy of Errors. I even taught Zack what that phrase means yesterday when we were trying to put back together an intricate Star Wars LEGO structure. The harder we worked, the worse it got. Push one piece on, the back falls off. Put the back on again, the front falls off. You just have to laugh because what else is there to do? Nothing other than laughing helped.
Working with Zack on that project made me realize that it might be a good idea to start slowing down, stop trying to keep up with an imaginary agenda. Play more LEGO.
This is such a rambling post -- but it felt good to write it all out.