Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Jumping Off the High Dive

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I come to you live from the depths of my bed.

I know some of you roll your eyes at my posts about feeling lousy but if you'll give me the benefit of the doubt and keep reading, you might be surprised.


I don't know what's wrong, but I'm weak as a newborn kitten.   To say it's been aggravating is to put it mildly.  For the first time in my career as a jewelry artist, I had to cancel a huge show this weekend.  Huge in that it pays about half of Zack's tuition, so you know the decision my husband and I made didn't come lightly.


Lying here moping is not what I like to do.  I may be a homebody, preferring playing games with Zack and Rick or making jewelry or writing or just luxuriating in the fact that for a while, the dust can stay on the shelves for a while longer.  But moping is for the birds.


And then I thought, this change in my life, whatever it may bring, isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It takes an enormous leap of faith to believe that, to truly believe it, but why not?  The alternative sucks.

That's a picture of Zack in 2007.  He overcame his fear of heights to jump -- and boy did he ever jump.  He landed in a full-scale belly flop, so massively awesome a belly flop that all the lifeguards jumped in the water, expecting Zack to emerge either crying, in pain, or both.


What happened is he came up laughing.  And wanting to do it again.


I strive to be like Zack -- willing to take the plunge, and come up laughing as often as I can.


I've shared that I've not been particularly happy churning out "Lori Jewelry" and instead have wanted to explore to the very boundaries of my skill -- boundaries I can't see yet.  Maybe having to cancel this show is the first step -- not something to be upset about, but the first step to change.

Zack, Christmas 2007


Building a new business model, changing directions, exploring with no preconceived notion of what I'm doing or where it's going, should be fun.  Like Zack with his Tinker Toys, sometimes things fall down go boom.  Sometimes I'll burn up things or have molten glass plop off a mandrel to lie mocking me on the table.  And sometimes I'll turn out something that makes me go, "WOW.  I didn't know I could DO that".


I'll be at my next show with the same promoters this fall.  I hope my customers will like the new things they'll see.  I hope that as I grow, as I learn to accept the days in bed and treasure the days I'm not, life will be more fulfilling. 


So hey, I'm sorry I've been moping and sick.  Can't help that.  But don't think for a SECOND that while I'm lying here, I'm not planning.  Even propped against pillows, I'm a multitasker.  Anyone who truly knows me, knows that!


Will you jump off the high board?


Photobucket


Lori Anderson creates jewelry for her web site, Lori Anderson Designs, and wrote the blog An Artist's Year Off.  She is the creator of the Bead Soup Blog Party.



33 comments:

  1. I can so relate to what you're going through, I've been struggling with being sick and not knowing why for the last few years. Trying everything possible to feel better, I am feeling marginally better but the slightest thing can take me down again. Take care and feel better my friend!

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  2. Lori, Here's two thumbs up to you. One is only limited by their fears.
    I know all will goes well for you.
    Therese

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  3. Oh, I never doubt that your wheels are spinning! I'm so in awe of the things you come up with, so I'm super excited for this new step along the road. I'm also glad that I get to walk with you, and smell the flowers and see the colors that you see. Thank you, dear friend!

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  4. jumping off the high board is terrifying... but it seems, the more afraid you are, the larger the reward (which is hard to focus upon while your kneeing are knocking)...
    all i will say is that i am a firm believer in the saying 'leap and the net will appear.' and everyday is a challenge for me as well... in different ways... some days i move past and through - some days i tell myself i will try again tomorrow...
    just don't let it paralyze you - that will only leave you with feelings of regret...

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  5. Lori, I wish you all the best and get healthy soon! You know what Goethe said: every light has its shadow. Perhaps your light will be much brighter, than ever thought....
    Greetings, Michi

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  6. I know you are probably planning for something bigger and better, Lori! Sometimes, we can learn a lot from our very own kids! Glad you have that great attitude and faith. And we all know that it is faith what gets us through the tough painful times. Happy hugs!!

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  7. You have the right attitude so, I think you'll come through this with "flying colors" as the saying goes! Take good care of yourself along the journey :)

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  8. Yep, you're on the right path, Lori! Just keep moving in the direction of the things you are drawn to. That's the universe letting us where to go. If we are fighting against what we really want and what our hearts are telling us, that's not where we want to be.

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  9. So good to hear you voice! I can't wait to see what you create and how your journey goes. It will be amazing, just as you are.

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  10. Since EXPLORE is my word for 2012 I am right there with you. I have these big plans but I keep getting stuck backtracking. Sometimes being derailed from the track that has been laid for you is the best thing. It gives you options. I am glad that you are exploring yours!
    Enjoy the day.
    Erin

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  11. Oh my, so sorry to hear that you feel bad again. But I'm so sure that with all your talent, your skills, your will and your personalty (basically because you are you) you, Lori, can achieve everything. As I said before - you rock, girl!

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  12. you are a pro Lori and no matter what you decide to do it will be spectacular. I'd take the time to work on some flash fiction while you are in bed. Or, I'd have DH haul me to the largest and best hospital availbale within a 3 hour radius and tell them - enough already - I need to know what is wrong. Maybe, just maybe - that is the first leap.

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  13. Good for you Lori, keep on planning and thinking. Jumping always takes courage and planning to take the jump takes courage too.

    Hope you feel better soon. Keep on posting. I am always inspired and encouraged by your posts. Hugs x

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  14. Lori, Your positive attitude is an inspiration to everyone! Sometimes I think we are side lined so that we do make the time to assess what is going on in our lives and perhaps decide to blaze a new inspired trail. Most people (those who are honest) feel the exact way you are feeling..we are human ...we all take a moment to cry for ourselves and our situations..before we reassess..:) Be strong in your heart...be still and listen...the way will come to you! Trusting is so hard when we feel so vulnerable...My prayers go out to you...positive energy will move you...you are surrounded by love.

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  15. Hey Lori. Thinking of you and hoping you feel better and get your energy back soon! It can be frustrating when we don't know the reason why we feel the way we do. Sometimes we just need to let ourselves rest. It's so hard. I think you are brave for talking about your health and your hopes, dreams and changes on your blog.

    Tracy

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  16. That's a great attitude towards this. Make change, embrace change, and savor the times that feel good. I'm certain that whatever direction your work takes, it will be good. Hugs

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  17. Happy exploring, O Brave One :-)

    Am sorry you are not as active as you would like, but, wow! you do have an eye for finding positivity in everything, and looks like Zack is inheriting it from you.

    I think the universe wants you to slow down and look at all the different paths you can go down next. Just read your bio on amazon, and looks like its time for you to go conquer some new heights!

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  18. lori, i'm sorry you are still feeling badly..
    moving forward in whatever direction, even a different one and at whatever pace you can manage is a good thing.
    I let go of a business that had supported me for 20yrs..and was freaked out about it...but now i'm in the beading community.. 5 yrs ago i would never have guessed this is what i'd be doing..and happier too.

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  19. Exciting and scary! Hope your good health comes back soon. I appreciate your positive outlook. You are an inspiration... and I say go for it on the "high dive".

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  20. Hi Lori! Even though you are stuck in bed I appreciate you stopping by my blog today. I hope you feel better soon!!!

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  21. Ah Lori. I think that's the outlook that you have to have in front of you until they discover what's wrong. Losing hope is not an option. That's the way I felt when my daughter was sick. Much love and hugs sent your way

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  22. I'm sorry Lori :(
    I have a feeling you aren't going to have to worry about Zachs tuition. You have alot of good karma and I feel like the universe will take care of that. On a side note, I've found that when my body has been in alot of pain it was the only way I would stop and sit still and changed paths for the better. I hope you feel better soon.

    Love and light ,
    ~Pamela

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  23. I am so sorry the medical system is so failing you but I love how you are using your down time. Get better.

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  24. Sometimes when the brain needs to take a lot of energy for its tasks, the body has to slow down a little bit to balance. And for someone who's so often running full steam ahead, a little slow down manifests more like a face-first crash into the bed. I know the tuition thing sucks, so this is obviously physical and mental recharging you need! Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and I have no doubt that when you do take that jump it'll be spectacular.

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  25. I know it was a difficult decision to make, but if you can't do the show, you can't do the show. I'm glad you're putting your health first. And, as you pointed out, who knows what great direction this decision will take you to?

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  26. The beginning of 2012 saw my husband almost clice his finger off, my brother develop a non-healing ulcer and osteomyelitis, and a massive kidney infection, sciatica and chest pains that left me in the hospital so they could rule out a cardiac event. My RN skills had to kick in and the creative side of my brain went into limbo. So much so, I didn't even have the desire to sit at my clay desk, even when I had a few minutes.
    Time passes, wounds heal, things improve. I am back to doing what I love, and am sure you will be too!

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  27. Lori,

    I'm so sorry you're not feeling well!

    I admire that you're using your down time to plan, though. Once you're feeling better, I have every confidence that you'll start putting plans into action. *Hugs.*

    Big changes can be scary, but exhilarating at the same time. And they're worth it!

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  28. so, can you get a breakfast tray and lay in bed and make jewelry? snuggling with the boy is priceless so don't feel so bad about the other stuff!

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  29. Sometimes I think we need the brick wall abruptly to interfere with our view, otherwise, we always know which path we have taken and which direction we are used to going. Sometimes we all should just play "pin the tail on the donkey" and go with it!

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  30. Hi, Lori! Pretty confident that no 'eye rolling' has gone on with any of your followers! You have a 'fighting spirit' that we all see and it always brings you back with a vengence! A short story here of faith and hope - we have a young woman in our community that has battled MS for 6 yrs now. She is now in a wheelchair. So many prayers have gone up for her, and I found out yesterday that the dr's have misdiagnosed her. Her mom always said she was never responding to any of the MS meds they gave her. They have now discovered that she has Lyme disease. Six yrs and they never tested her for that. Since they've changed all her meds to accomodate this disease, her mom told us yesterday that she is feeling so much better and was actually waving her arms above her head! Something she hasn't been able to do for awhile. Yay! She may never walk again, but the outlook on her future is a little brighter! Sorry, longer than I anticipated, but sending prayers up for you, too, because I know God is still in the "miracle business". May God bless you and your family! :)

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  31. I've been feeling exactly the same today, and the end of yesterday-- and no end in sight. I'm doing what I can, but it isn't much, and I'm bed-bound just like you are.

    I'm sorry that you have to miss this big show, but I'm glad you have dreams of a more fulfilling future. I hope to see those plans come to fruition, and hope you don't give up entirely on jewelry in the pursuit of whatever comes next! <3

    *~* Julia *~* http://beautifullywhimsical.blogspot.com

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  32. Its amazing how much our health affects all aspects of our life. But your approach is the only way to go.... it is true that what does not kill us, makes us stronger. Its also true that facing our fears helps us continue on our path, whatever that might be. I have conquered many of mine. I still have a big one... the fear of flying, which has greatly interfered with my professional and personal life. I am with you Lori.

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