Thursday, December 16, 2010

Please help me. If you would.

I try my hardest to keep this blog as upbeat as possible.  Occasionally I indulge in wallowing in self-pity and as a writer, that's cathartic, and it usually snaps me out of whatever funk I'm in.  But this time, I feel I'm in pretty deep and I could use some help.


I know that not everyone prays, but I think everyone has a substitute -- meditating, candle-lighting, sending out white light -- what have you.  I'm incredibly liberal when it comes to religion and belief systems and cross over into several myself and I believe the simple power of positive thoughts beaming a person's way can do wonders.


Can you beam some this way?


I've hesitated to write much about what I've been feeling these past few months.  Part of it is my trying to maintain that positive outlook because I want this blog to be a welcome place for people to come and enjoy a moment of their day, find Pretty Things and leave feeling refreshed.  It humbles and honors me to no end the number of people who visit.  Follower numbers mean nothing.  I look at the statistics behind the scene and there are so. very. many. silent readers and I'm blown away.  I'm not sure what it is about this place, but I'm trying to keep it up.


I do have friends I've shared my fears with, friends who have been invaluable rocks to me.  Some things I feel should NOT be put out in public, and my complete and forever thanks to those who've talked me down from the precipice. You know who you are, and without you, I wouldn't be maintaining.


So why am I here, writing this entry, putting out on the wild, wide, foreverness of the internet even a portion of my sorrows?  Because I know I can't be the only one who feels scared and alone, and I want you ALL to know that you have a friend in me.  We've never met, probably, but I do have an email in my profile, and it's there so you can use it.  Sharing helps.


What I need prayers for first and foremost is my seven-year old little boy.  I don't want to go into it because I believe that certain things are sacrosanct and shouldn't be blogged about.  But I do need the prayers, especially today, so if you have the time, please pray for him.


Secondly, pray for me.  For the past few months, my stress level has brought me to where I'm hanging on by a fast unraveling thread. 


I think I have a certain level of OCD, and I like things to be in their place.  Not lined up to a 90° angle on the table, but in their place.  I about went nuts when our addition was being built, but it's been done since October, and thanks to Ashley Furniture, they've so royally messed up our furniture order they've ruined not just Thanksgiving but now will ruin Christmas by not delivering our furniture when they said they would. Corporate tells us one thing.  Local tells us another.  Both apparently are lying.  Bottom line -- no furniture.  So we have a mess STILL in this house, and it's making me twitchy and anxious and upset.  And the only thing that has helped at ALL is hitting Twitter and getting Ashley Furniture Corporate's attention.


Then came two unexpected shows in December.  I never do shows in December.  Ever.  I stop after Thanksgiving.  But one show I always do had its date moved and I was personally invited to another, so there you go.  And now my office is full of boxes up to my waist. The only room in the house that is normal is my bedroom.  And I can't just up and abandon my family all day just because chaos and disorder upsets me.  And no matter how I move the boxes around, it just results in a new pile of chaos.  There's just no place to PUT anything.


Stress brings on headaches.  My migraines are back with a vengeance.  Click that link and you'll see what I'm up against.  I FINALLY have an appointment in January with Johns Hopkins (I've been waiting since June) to see if they can help.  But I also will have surgery for an unrelated matter scheduled around then, too.  Moses pass the roses but when will this stop?  I feel like I can't move without some part of me crapping out.


I can't show my stress due to Zack being so close to me.  So I hide it.  Hiding it makes me feel like a big ball of tears and tension.  I don't have the time or the luxury of having a good cry because I have so. much. to do.  There are appointments and deadlines and web updates and packages to ship and a house (such as it is) to clean for guests and Zack to worry about and I am losing my ever loving mind, and dear readers -- I'm afraid I'm going to snap in two.


Today is a Very Bad Day.  Zack has a Very Important Day and I'm a mess.  Yet I still have my responsibilities and none of them can be done by anyone else.  And I'm falling apart.


I'll eventually be fine.


But I need your help.  I need your prayers.  Your white light.  Your zen.


If you feel so inclined, I'd be forever in your debt.  And trust that my heart is here for you should you ever need it.  Even though we know each other only from words, my words are true from my heart.


I promise my future blogs will be back to normal.


Thank you for reading.


With much love, Lori

82 comments:

  1. i am thinking of you {{hugs}} email me if you need me

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  2. Bless your weary heart, Lori. Stress SUCKS. It's hard trying to 'do it all' especially when things around you aren't flowing smoothly either. I feel your pain and I'm sending you lots of white light AND prayers!!!

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  3. I got chills reading your post. I will be sending many prayers your way.
    As Amy said Stress sucks, it sucks time away from family, it sucks time away from healing yourself. Simply put stress sucks. Don't worry too much about the mess one day at a time it will get better. Perfect is an unattainable goal and no one cares what your house looks like if you are a mess. They care about you not your furniture -or lack of. I have had no kitchen for 5 years and now my roof is leaking *sigh* I know the boat you are in. As my mom says to me when I am sulking "stop it or I'll bury you alive in a box." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1g3ENYxg9k
    Shannon C

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  4. Sweetie...

    I'll be praying for you and your little boy. The power of prayer beats anything!!

    Your blog is always a great place for me to visit. I don't consider a cry for help to be a "downer". It shows your softer side and lets people see your heart.

    Sometimes I wish I could be more open about what I'm feeling and thinking...but certain things keep me from doing so on my blog. Perhaps, I could be a bit more vague as to what the problem is and get more to the point of what I need...like you did.

    Lifting you up...
    Jan

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  5. Hugs, prayers, and a candle for both you and Zach.

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  6. thinking of you and Zack..
    prayers and blessings.

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  7. Sending lots of positive vibes your way!

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  8. Lori, I'm sending good thoughts your way. I know this sounds stupid but it's helped me a lot over the last 8 years. I took Yoga in college (thanks Mom & Dad) and they taught us basic yoga breathing. In through your nose, hold a sec, and then slowly out your mouth. Sounds kind of dumb but believe me, when my blood starts to boil and I start getting stressed it helps take it down a notch. I hope it helps in some small way.

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  9. ALL of my spare positive thoughts, my bestest ever wishes and heartfelt sympathy are beamed out across the Atlantic to you, Lori, wrapped up with a ribbon of warmth and love.

    It's so difficult to get on with things when you're feeling ill.

    My thoughts will be with you any moment now (they travel at just a little below light speed as it's a weighty package).

    xx

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  10. Oh my dear Lori, my heart aches for you. Please know that our great GOD hears every one of your heart cries and is there for you. and HE poromises that "all things work together for the good to those who love HIM and are called according to HIS purposes. know you are in my prayers. Be Blessed
    P.S. and let the mess go your guest are coming to see you not your house!

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  11. I'm sending you prayers and good thoughts and light and all of it. I have an 8-year-old boy with issues and know all too well the aching heart of wanting it all to just be okay and for him to have it easier. So extra prayers to him. A dear friend reminds me frequently to stop and breathe for a moment, and it does help. Breathe in the good, breathe out the stress.... (((hugs)))

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  12. Lori, we don’t know each other personally but I have some of your pretty pink and white beads on my workbench, and you’ve encouraged me by commenting on my blog.

    I am 56 years old and have two daughters and 5 grandchildren. Many, many times I’ve been in the horrible place you’re in right now. The only thing I can think to say is that if you walk through the fire, you *will* get to the other side.

    Having said that, I have found that sometimes you have to just sit in the fire for awhile and let it burn. But, you WILL get to the other side and be stronger and healthier for it.

    Each time you’re willing to walk through the fire you come out stronger, so next time is a little easier.

    Keep in mind that only women of depth and passion experience what you’re going through. The sisterhood is sending you warm, golden light to comfort and strengthen you. Take a deep breath and feel it flow from your toes out the top of your head.

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  13. Straight from my heart to you, the most positive vibes I can muster. Hang in there!

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  14. Lori- know your friends and their prayers are always with you and your family.

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  15. Lori, can I offer my two cents? We suffer throughout life and we build up so much energy and emotions. Fresh emotions are healthy, if fully felt and properly expressed. But many of us don’t purge them, and like physical wounds they never get a chance to heal. They get infected, like a cut on your body. You need to purge.

    Knowing the emotion isn’t you, knowing that it merely covers your core being, and recognizing it for what it truly is.

    You need to turn off your mind and access your emotions directly. I know, I know, easier said then done. If you allow yourself to do it just once it will get easier.

    Give your emotions and pain a voice by working through them, addressing them one at a time.

    What is the worse thing that could happen if you don't get everything done in the time frame you made up yourself? What is the worse thing that could happen if you don't make those deadlines? What do you consider to be the "worse thing?"

    Purge sister. I'll be sending you Zen all week.

    With much love and respect, jeannie
    Namaste-I see the light in you.

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  16. Oh Lori - please do take care of yourself - and yes, I am definately sending positive thoughts your way.

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  17. Hugs and prayers to you for strength to get through these days.

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  18. There are two things I hope you will keep in mind as you maneuver through today. First is that "Mess" = "Change" which is the only constant in our life. Second is that God will never give you more than you can handle. Trite? Maybe. Overused? Possibly. But at the end of the day, it always gets me through...my prayers are with you.

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  19. Cheryl W.10:32 AM

    Lori,

    I will definitely put you and your family in my prayers. I hope everything gets resolved as soon as possible. Just remember to take long deep breathes; it really does help!

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  20. Prayer going up on your behalf. I just had my first show - had a HUGE migraine the day before and nothing got done - so I feel your pain! Don't be afraid to let your emotions go. Go into the bathroom, lock the door, and CRY! You need to release some of that tension! Hang in there!

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  21. Lori, you HAVE to let that bad energy out so if it's your blog at which it is aimed, so be it. I just sent you 4 huge blasts of positive energy straight from my early morning coffee energy. I literally "whooshed" it out of my heart with my hands and pushed it your way.

    I'm glad you have your blog to ask for prayers and energy so that you can hang on to the smallest thread of strength for Zack's sake. You can always fall apart...tomorrow.

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  22. You got it Lori, I'll be thinking of you and your son often and sending you all the good juju I can muster. Of course you'll make it through but I wish for things to be easier for you during the process. Here comes the first jolt of amazingly awesome JUUUUUJUUUU!!!

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  23. Praying for both of you and hoping your load will lighten soon.

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  24. Blessings to you and your son. I've been through incredible stress for the last 16 months and thought I was going to snap. Then I realized that the stress wasn't going to let go of me; I had to let go of it. Way easier said than done, but take some pressure off yourself and know that you can't, and shouldn't, control everything. Take things as they come. Get one thing done at a time and don't focus on what isn't getting done. First and foremost, enjoy your life and your family. All else will wait. Sorry for the sermon - just my caring thoughts.

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  25. Sorry to hear you are going thru so much. I have a bit of OCD too. No I am not kidding, I have been told that by doctors. I will keep both you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could help more.

    PussDaddy

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  26. Lori, ((((HUGS)))) for both you and Zack. Hang in there. I'm praying for you.

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  27. Thinking of you Lori, and sending lots of hugs, prayers, positive thoughts, and love to you and your family. I'm also offering an ear if you need to talk offline :)

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  28. sending lots of light and love - hang in... hope you are able to find even a small part of beautiful in this beautiful struggle we call life... xo

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  29. Lori, I am somewhat new to your blog. And I won't pretend for one second to act as if I know exactly what you're going through. However, I do know what it's like to feel like you are on the verge of just snapping into many pieces that you fear won't ever come back together. It really sucks, especially when others are depending on you. I respect your willingness to be vulnerable and REAL. I hope that you will feel lifted up and supported by the comments here.

    I pray. And I will pray for you. My prayer is that you will feel "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding" (Philippians 4:7). Know that others care, even if we don't personally know you.

    One day at a time...

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  30. Sending you hugs and saying a prayer. You know I'm here for you...we are going to wipe all of these worries away when we go for a few hours of bead therapy this weekend, okay? Hang on til then, and all else fails, head out for a Mocha. :-)

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  31. Lori - so sorry! I am thinking about you. I have had major stress this past year and has led to major health issues for me, so I know of where you speak! Time to take a deep breath and read the Dalai Lama or something! I really really hope you take care, and don't worry about things that are not important, like your house. Only concentrate on you and that sweet little boy!

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  32. Oh Lori...I wish I could give you a big hug, I know how you are feeling as I have many struggles going on in my life right now. As I write this I light a candle, one for you and your son. I pray for a good outcome today.

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  33. You are in my prayers already as are all friends, "sisters" and family. And just about any woman with responsibites has been in the shoes you are wearing. You want things to be pretty and when they aren't it's STRESSFUL - totallycan identify. I just always try and remind myself how much worse things can be, and how blessed I am to have good friends and family to have your back. We have your - even if it's virtual :-)

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  34. You and Zach are in my prayers. Hang in there.

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  35. Done .. white light, zen, dragon vibes winging their way to you!

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  36. Ditto what Myra said! Find a private place to cry, and cry as much as you need to until you feel relief. I don't know about you, but discharging unshed tears always renews me. And you may find you are more "there" for Zack if you do so, and he can handle the aftermath better than you think--after a good cry, a simple and honest explanation for your red eyes is probably enough, and he may sense you are feeling better. No sense in cracking up maintaining a stiff upper lip everybody can see through anyway!

    Sending strength your way....

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  37. I'm sending all the positive energy and prayers I can muster to you - for you and for Zack.
    Big hugs, a back rub to relieve some of the tension. Try, try to relax your mind.

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  38. We all have our limits and you should not be hard on yourself if you have reached yours.

    I know exactly how you feel about the furniture. We had a similar problem with our house this autumn. A whole load of work should have been done while we were on holiday in August and we arrived home, expecting to clean up and put the house back together, to find that the wooden floor was ruined.

    By the time the work was put right we had been upside down and in a mess for three months, climbing over our belongings to get into bed every night. Our autumn was ruined, something for which I find it difficult to forgive the people concerned.

    All the time I was thinking that we should be above all this, something so trivial as a house in a mess should not ruin our lives - but for a while it did.

    But everything is better now. We had to work hard to get things sorted and put the aggravation behind us and I can say to you quite definitely, people always let you down. Therefore you have to draw on your own strength to drag yourself through it, and it will get better.

    Have faith, there is light at the end of the tunnel even though it is shining very dimly for you at the moment. I do hope things start to twinkle a little more brightly for you very soon.

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  39. Big hugs and lots of positive vibes winging their way to you from across the ocean Lori.

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  40. Lori.......you have all my good wishes and prayers comming your way, I'm sorry to hear your life is so stressful right now, hopefully things will smooth out for you soon, I'm sending warm hugs and thoughts your way for both you and Zack, I totally understand your issues with things being so out of place, I've been dealing with that myself for about 5 months, please squeeze yourself out just a few minutes of "me time" everyday, you not only deserve them you Need them.......take care of you

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  41. Lori,

    Let me just say, ol' friend, that my prayers are with you & Zach. This post moved me so much.

    Lori, I have noticed, that something wasn't right, but wasn't sure what it was or frankly if it was any of my business and I knew this post, from you, would come.

    High stress and anxiety are the worst as I deal with them, too, with a dose of depression also. What I do is simply force myself within to get back to the basics of day to day living and then incorporate what needs to be done. You've got to find a way to manage your stress. It's a must! Even when things are out of control in your world, such as the furniture situation, the Zach situation, the work orders situation, you are only one person and one person "cannot" do the physical and emototional work of thrity people. Stress is the warning sign for your mind and body. You have to pay attention to the signs.

    I feel for you and I am praying for you. You've got a wonderful support group on this side of cyberspace and we are always here for you (((((HUGS)))))

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  42. We're all sending you lots of love and prayers Lori, whatever they are for. Best of luck. And please don't worry about a post being a downer, life happens. We're all here for you. Hugs, Riki

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  43. Sending, sending, sending, sending. Hopefully, you're feeling all the positive thoughts.

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  44. Oh Lori - I said a prayer for you and your little one. Virtual hugs from overseas. Hope everything will turn out fine! Wish I could do more.

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  45. Lori, I'm so sorry that you are going through such challenging times...sending positive thoughts for you and your little one...your first priorites.
    As I often remind myself, the mess will still be there when I have the time and energy to deal with it. The most important thing about a home is that it's filled with love.

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  46. Lighting the candles, sending the healing rays, and weaving a charm of healing, love and comfort for you and Zach.
    Important - Remember to take deep breaths. When we are stressed, we hold our breath and that holds all of the negative energy in. Breathe deep and often.
    Hugs and blisses to you both,
    Cenya

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  47. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts today! Hang in there!

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  48. i pray that peace and comfort come to dwell in you and your home. dark times come, find some light in your world to chase even the darkest shadows away. giant hugs and warm thought headed your way from happy. does that make them count extra?

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  49. Lori - I know it's hard to write all of this and I thank you for sharing it with us.
    I am sending a lot of positive energy to you and your son!

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  50. I don't pray Lori.....but I'm sure gonna send some white light your way. May your chaos settle down and may whatever the weight on your shoulders be, let it lighten for you. This time of year can be a stressful time without other things influencing the Christmas madness. Thinking of you xo

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  51. I'll be sending you every little bit of light and love I can. You are a kind, sweet lady and I'm sorry that everything is adding up and causing you distress. It's a terrible feeling that ball full of tears :( I hope, with all my heart, that you'll be a ball of joy and smiles in no time at all.

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  52. I am sending, and then sending more. I am so sorry. I totally understand the house thing. (when we did our addition, the stress triggered vertigo and landed me in the ER twice) It is hard to be in control when things around you are not in control.

    I am sending lots of good thoughts for you son too! Lots.

    You will get through all of this. Focus on your son. Only him. One thing at a time. The house will get done.

    HUGS!!!!!

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  53. Hey Lori, this IS normal. There is no "getting back to normal" Life is like this, I'm just glad you were able to reach out and draw strength from everyone here. If nothing else i'd like to think we are all there for one another when in need. You have my prayers, take a deep breath, focus on what is most important today and let the rest go. One day at a time!

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  54. I haven't visited in a while and I don't know what brought me here today ...

    ... but rest assured, Lori, you and your son have my prayers starting right now and for as long as you need them.

    I can SO relate to the stress of having your house disrupted by work that just doesn't seem to go anywhere. We haven't been able to have company since LAST Thanksgiving because of some "simple" improvements we started.

    One thing led to another. We had bad workers, sloppy workers, drunken workers, slow workers and workers who just didn't show up for work!

    It has been like a bad episode of "This Old House" except worse because we are footing the bills ourselves. lol.

    I hope it gets better for you real soon.

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  55. Awww sweetie, you are not alone! Especially at this time of year when people are rushing around trying to make this the best Christmas *ever* for their families, I'm sure there are a lot of people who can sympathise with you at the moment.

    I certainly can: I get stresses easily and when I do I get upset. I mean really upset. But this is what friends and family are for, to pick you up, give you a hug and hold your hand whilst you get back into the usual swing of things.

    I am sending all my thoughts, prayers, well wishes, ALL OF IT, your way :) I don't think I can find the right words to say how much I think you deserve to have a break and enjoy the holidays.

    Eat cake. It helps. Loads of hugs and love xxxxxx

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  56. I don't pray, but I wish. And I shall wish for you, that all will get better fast. Not better, because I know that it will, but better faster.

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  57. I'm sending positive vibes...keep passing the open windows...

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  58. Sending Hugs and prayers that you will find peace. I don't handle stress well either, I know it's easier said than done but Don't sweat the small stuff...like the boxes...they will be there for another day when life is more relaxed.

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  59. Lori, If I were near you I would sit by your side and hug you. I, like yourself, and so many other women have been in a simular place. Rest assured you will transition from this difficult time into a time of bliss and happiness. Hold on to the love of your family and friends and know that this is only temporary and hope will bloom into joy. xoxoxo

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  60. Anonymous6:39 PM

    Oh, honey.
    These commenters speak sense. There is really nothing I can add except that I too am praying for you. And crying on your behalf, because crying, when it is real, is a good thing.
    Strength, fortitude, endurance and peace be yours.

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  61. Dear Lori my prayers are very much with you and your son and family. You are strong and wise to share this as we are definitely here for you. Just release what you can and breathe deep for all the rest. Of all days I blogged about the kindness and generosity of you not knowing of your heavy heart. Even my readers are praying for you since they linked and read your post today. Prayers and Blessings are with you...

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  62. Lori we all have days where we just need good thoughts and prayers from others. Please know that you and your son are in my prayers. I hope God can bring peace to your situation.

    Sending hugs and prayers!!

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  63. I am saying a prayer for you and Zack. Now is not the time, but we need to talk...

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  64. My prayers and healing thoughts are sent your way today and always. You are an awesome woman but you cannot do everything so give yourself a crying break and blame the red eyes on allergies...you'll feel much better!

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  65. darling lori, first off thank you so much for your visit and comment..it means the world to me. Secondly, here comes the white light...do you feel it? good, relax for a moment , bathe in it, breathe gently and slowly for five breaths. did you do it? now, what i’m feeling is that you need to let some things go...and stop working so hard, and focus on your son and your family and most importantly you.. Christmas season in a time of joy...mellow out a little and don’t make it perfect. less gift giving perhaps? more family together time...I don’t know but you do. all the very best with all your problems.
    your new friend, Cyntia

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  66. Sending and beaming and thinking all the positive thoughts and prayers and positive energies I can to help you get over this bit of a bad spell!!! Hugs to you!!

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  67. Lori,
    I'm so sorry things are crummy and stress inducing right now. I'll keep you in my thoughts/prayers and send all the positive vibes I can to you and Zach. Say the word and I'll send cookies too :)

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  68. Take a deep breath and enhance your Chi before you start your day. That sometimes helps me out. I am sending a lot of good thoughts your way!
    We are here for you and our email address is there for you to send us a note if you need to. I am an awesome listener, not good advice giver, but I will listen if you need to vent.
    Take care! Happy thoughts (sunshine and puppies)!

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  70. Hi Lori...wishing you receieve whatever you divinely need and your son too..wishing you both harmony on your journeys! hugs! Keep spirited and shining with hope...open your arms to recieve..and believe with your beautiful heart!
    Victoria~

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  71. Lori,
    One breath, one second one heartbeat at a time. It's hard to let it all go but take the time to mentally sweep it all out the door. The focus of your energies should be on yourself first (because if you are not doing well, you can't help your son) then on your son. I know that this is easier said than done, but try. I think that is all any of us can do is try.
    I'm sending you both some positive energy. I hope that whatever hurdles that you are encountering, that you leap over them more effortlessly than you believe that you will.
    Michelle

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  72. Look above me.....you are not alone sweetie,you have MANY who care. You are human, it can't always be "pretty"
    Prayers and light to you and Zack and the family, we are here
    ~Sharon~

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  73. I hope that everything works out well for you, and that you have a better tomorrow. Sending virtual hugs your way!

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  74. Lots of Love and Light to you and Zack! My thoughts are with you both. (((hugs)))

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  75. Hi Lori Im last but not least! I havent been blogging alot and going thru alot of posts much. I too know the stress of many things..I feel your stress thru what I too am feeling! Bless you you are stretched in many many ways that we all dont know fully about as we all dont blog our "most inner" things going on alot. I know I dont. My husbands been in hospital and Ive had to take much time with him, and the worries. Id like to give you a right big hugg if I could Lori. I will be praying for you as I am for Shannon from Missficklemedia as well. What a run around with that furniture company! Hopefully the furniture will come soon! Big huggs~Janet oxo

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  76. Lori you are in my thoughts and I am sending as many, many, many positive wishes and dreams and get well wishes and feel betters and I am so sorries as I can muster to send through the sky!

    Please know that you are not alone and are truly in my thoughts.

    I am here if you need another ear.

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  77. Thinking about you and sending a big hug! Hope things improve for you soon x Tracy

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  78. I am one of the lurkers but that's because I love your blog. So sorry that I just found out about this post, but believe me...I sent out a prayer via fast speed because even though it may be a bit late, God is sure to listen...he always does. I do hope that things have calmed down and that your stress level is back to normal, (whatever normal is). Prayers will continue from this end...God knows, I have been there also.
    Blessings and love.

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  79. I'm sending you so much love and light!

    And please don't break yourself trying to be perfect for Zack. I'm sure that in his own way he realizes you're having a hard time no matter how you may try to hide it from him - but that's okay!

    Know that to be imperfect is to be human. And we only really love other humans, right?

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  80. I'm sending you so much love and light!

    And please don't break yourself trying to be perfect for Zack. I'm sure that in his own way he realizes you're having a hard time no matter how you may try to hide it from him - but that's okay!

    Know that to be imperfect is to be human. And we only really love other humans, right?

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  81. Lori, I hope that everything will work out. I'm sorry that your life is so chaotic right now. Lots of love from me to you.

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  82. I'm late catching up on my blog reading but know that I'm praying for you Lori ((Hugs))
    I know how you feel about wanting to unload fully in a blog post but I too don't like to open up personal details on my blog either and putting the words out there give them power whether it be good or bad and I'd rather not have it go bad, silly of me to think that way? maybe a little superstitious or paranoid but that's how I am about stuff like that so I know what you mean and just know that I'm thinking of you.
    Hope you have a wonderful Holiday!

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