Monday, January 26, 2009

Dream Interpretation

I've tried to keep this blog, started in 2005, as basic and neutral as possible. Whatever you write on the Internet, stays on the Internet, and that often makes you think twice about what you write.


But I'll finally lay it out there -- I suffer from chronic, often debilitating depression. I've suffered it all my life. It usually is completely regulated, but the past two years have been full of random dips and dives. Nothing has HAPPENED, you understand -- I just get sad for no reason, and it ticks me off. A total neural thing that is as real a disease as the flu, and just as freaking aggravating.


Today was a rough day for no apparent reason, so I went to bed at 3pm for a nap. I had some of the weirdest dreams, and as I have tried to look for the silver lining in all of this, I will tell you some that are kind of giggle-worthy (it's OK to laugh, it really is the best medicine).

* I dreamed we arrived for a new craft show on the day of set up, but decided NOT to set up until the next day, during the chaotic short hours that doing something like that entails. In addition, I was sure I was in the wrong city. And the wrong arena. Which had been set up backwards. (Interpretation -- I worry about my work).


I dreamed that Oprah was interested in earrings. You may remember reading that she just recently got her ears pierced, as she was terrified of doing it. Yet in MY dream, she not only had them pierced, but she was piercing them all around her ears, across her neck, and up her other ear. None of the earrings were mine. (Interpretation -- I worry about people liking my work. And I worry about Oprah, apparently).


Those are just two of the many nebulous dreams that I was able to hang onto long enough to put them to paper. In retrospect, they're laughable, silly, and easily understood. Who hasn't had the dream of a college committee telling them they forgot to take a class or test, and therefore were going to rip their diploma from the wall? (Another dream I've had -- and apparently many of my UVA friends have the same dream.)


Depression is a quiet but vicious beast. So many people (and apparently, many artists), suffer from it at some point in their lives, but hide it in their heart for fear of the stigma. Well, I'm not afraid anymore. It's a real thing, a real disease, and nothing any of us asked for.

Why am I writing this? In hopes that this will give you the bravery, the impetus to tell your story, to a friend, a family member, a diary, or a blog. Sharing stories can help.

I'm always hear with an ear. Email me any time.
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12 comments:

  1. Lori, thank you for being another person who is up-front about suffering from depression. I know it helps me immensely during the dark times to know I'm not alone, so I try to reassure others that they are not alone as well.

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  2. I am proud of you for sharing this, which I know wasn't easy.

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  3. Gee Lori, you aren't going to slice your ear off like van Gogh, are you?

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  4. LOL, Keith. No slicing of anything. I think van Gogh had deeper problems than depression!

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  5. Gwenniegirl5:03 PM

    Gosh Lori I am thankful for your honesty as well. I too have suffered bouts of depression and truly we are not alone~it just sometimes feels like we are!

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  6. Thanks for commenting -- I debated taking this post down, but depression is real, it hurts, and it can isolate. And there's no need for anyone to feel they're alone -- there are so many people that suffer this, or have suffered it at some time.

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  7. Lori, this is so true . . .

    but depression is real, it hurts, and it can isolate. And there's no need for anyone to feel they're alone -- there are so many people that suffer this, or have suffered it at some time. . . .

    and thank you for putting this out there. I researched and gave a speech on depression when I went back to college, after having my third child, and suffering greatly from depression. That was 13 years ago and it is still following me around.

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  8. But seriously, I think most of us have suffered at one time or another.

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  9. I feel for you as I suffer from depression at times also. I was first diagnosed when my second son was about 2. I was on meds for ten years. I was too afraid to stop. But then I felt so well, that I finally did get off them. Then this past summer, after dealing with a law suit because of a kitchen renovation (Lordy me), I fell even deeper than I had before. So, needless to say, I'm back on my meds and feeling so much better. I don't think people understand how bad it can be unless they experience it themselves. I'm such a happy person until I get hit with this disease. I'm happy that it is out in the open now and not a "whispered" ailment. I wish you all the best.

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  10. I'm glad to hear from more of you -- depression is one of those things that can be situational and can go away over time, or can neural, and the meds CAN'T be stopped or it gets worse -- regardless, it's one of those things that grabs you by the nose and looks you squarely in the eyes... and you have to face it.

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  11. Kudos for taking a step forward and admitting that you have disease. I know that it couldn't have been easy and yet everyone that does come forward makes it easier for the next.

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  12. Anonymous5:41 PM

    I don't get depressed I just get discouraged when life doesn't go quite right. Then I think of natural disasters like the earthquake in Haiti and I realize how thankful I should be that my house isn't crumbling down around me with me in it! If I try to be more like Pollyanna and look for the good in things and in people...it helps and then I try to create a new doll and that cheers me up too. Oh, and I do take naps too...they are healing, even if you do have crazy dreams, and I have those too. You jewelry is fantastic! I think a lot of us are suffering from 'economicitis'
    at the moment...so many 'unknowns' about the economy. In England,it is an automatic doctor's recommendation that they treat women who have just had their babies with the B vitamins and other supplements to help the 'baby blue' because it is a very real thing. We lost a friend who had severe baby blues and they didn't know what was causing her depression. By all means people who are on anti-depresants are truly helped. Even older people who get urinary tract infections can hallucinate but when put on an antibiotics they become well. My 94 year old mother-in-law is on Zyprexa and she is like a new person again. And she is on B-12 shots once a month and she sleeps better. Just some things I have learned from taking care of an older person. I will let you decide whether you want to post this or not. It is mostly just for you. I am an avid supporter of A Fanciful Twist and I see your name there on the comments...I post myself as 'Teresa in California' Thanks for reading this and I hope you can find something that will help your depression. The older we get as women our hormones can make our personalites change too. But I don't really like the synthetic hormones either. If you want to email me I am at tscat@sbcglobal.net
    I belong to a few of the doll networks like Cloth and Clay ning site with Jane Des Rosier. I make dolls from the ground up.
    Cheers!

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I appreciate comments! <3

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